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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes we do put a great deal of emphasis on academics-right or wrong. We live In a neighborhood with PhDs around every corner ( including my son, her older brother). One time while in a conference with her teacher I said "God forbid anybody be average in Bethesda" It got a big laugh or groan from all the other academics at the conference table.

When I floundered in school my father used to put me down with "Well we better get ready to send you to hair twisting school" meaning working in a beauty salon was what my future held and believe me that was not a compliment. He was dead by the time I got my MBA but it was something I was and am extremely proud of even if I was 28 when I got it. He was a grade A snob about class and education even though he certainly didn't come from anything other than blue collar stock. He was Army Colonel and I remember riding around on base and him pointing out certain women with remarks like "must be the wife of an enlisted man". See what I mean?

DH came from blue collar family and he was the first to go to college. He is Mensa member with two degrees obtained after the age of 35. Self made man if there ever was one so he too appreciate academics very much.

So in the context of our family background, our community and the standards we have set this dd's academic challenges are a shortcoming. I cringe to think how she will handle high school. If she doesn't at least do average work in high school the other kids will make her life miserable. Our high school has a rate of almost 99% going to college.  The ironic thing is we moved here from the south for more diversity and opportunity in this community. If we had stayed in our Georgia community her academic struggles would have been right on par with everybody else and she wouldn't stand out as particularly challenged at all but then the other dd wouldn't get the enrichment opportunities she gets here. Oh well- it is what it is.

Girls have been home for awhile now. DD is outside playing with her friends (her best neighborhood GF is 6 which is another thread all together) while other DD is on the computer looking up Mesopotamia. Wow.

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Now I'm sure this is a troll.[/quote]

Why?[/quote]

Because after pages and pages of people explaining the troublesome nature of op's approach to her daughter, particularly given her special needs, she is now groaning about how her daughter doesn't measure up to her peers or family members academically. She is outside playing  instead of researching (gasp! what will the phd neighbors think?). It doesn't seem to come from a place of compassion for her daughter either, but more like frustration that her daughter won't live up to mom's projections or the joneses. Then there is the story about how hard it was for OP to live up to her own judgmental dad's expectations, with no apparent insight into how she is passing on these negative parenting methods. I have to believe that a real poster would be showing some insight given the many very thoughtful and instructive posts.

I came from a family with high academic expectations and an extremely strong emphasis on higher education. When I discovered that my daughter had learning disabilities, I had to work very hard to adjust my expectations and snobbery in order to be able to love and celebrate her where she is at, and to learn how to bring out the best in her for her own sake. I had to stop caring what anyone else thought or measuring against inapplicable standards. I had to become her biggest fan just the way that she is and recognize that my previous way of thinking didn't take into account the variety of qualities, other than book smarts, that matter. Your kids challenge your preconceived notions about everything. It's how you respond to the challenge that shows who you are.[/quote]

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