Reply to Is it possible to learn to enjoy sex with someone after years of bad sex?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
19:05 here.

Yeah.  Before we got married, DH and I had great, raunchy, moderately kinky sex. After we got married, DH's switch flipped from "whore" to "madonna" and he stopped asking for anything.  He repeatedly has said that he doesn't feel like he can bother his wife for stuff like that.  IF he we don't have sex, he complains, but he won't initiate.  He also won't do any of the kinky stuff that I used to love.  He also blames the lack of sexual spark on me -- it's my fault that we're not having the sex we used to have, because I am a woman and women don't want that kind of sex.

Ugh. Thinking about this makes me want to cry.  What a mindfuck. 
 [/quote]

Bummer. And I know it happens with guys like that sometimes. But I also know that women get so caught up in their mommy self-image that they forget they can also switch the setting to "whore" from time to time.

But, I wonder, [b]does your DH think you don't want that kind of sex even though you've told him that, yes in fact, you do want that kind of sex. Have you tried to initiate that kind of sex and he has declined?[/b] Or is it more of a situation where the kink hasn't happened because you kind of let him guide the sex life? Because I know that the default setting -- particularly early on -- is that the guy pursues and the girl either says yes or no. And because that's the pattern, some women never really learn how to be the aggressor or to be the one to push the kink.

(For my part, I'm glad I learned not to be so polite with my wife. She'd never actually come out and *say* she likes this or that; let alone be the one to get this or that started in bed. But when I do something a little kinky to her in bed; she gives every indication of enjoying it thoroughly.) [/quote]

Oh, yes. We've had many fights over it. We have made hard dates to have that kind of sex and he always cancels the dates.  He once actually left the room and didn't come back, and left me sitting on the edge of the bed in a ridiculous outfit wondering where the fuck he went. He can't have rough sex with his wife.  He can barely have vanilla sex with his wife.

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