Reply to My husband destroyed my cell phone and I called the police

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, I don't have experience in "abusive relationships" which is precisely why I have perspective - a normal marriage to compare this mess to. I have read all the posts. OP is extremely annoying and obnoxious person, my husband wouldn't put up three days with this. I actually read this to him and we laughed how bad some men have it. Her husband is no better, mind you, but there is a reason why they are a couple. You want to make it all about the husband, but that just doesn't fly.[/quote]

Your "perspective" is total BS and based on almost nothing. How do you peg the OP as "extremely annoying and obnoxious"? Because she wrote a long post about a really scary thing that had just happened to her? Were your comments about how she cares what her friends think based on the fact that she's ashamed she put herself in this position, doesn't want her family to think less of her, is embarrassed by her husband's behavior when she's out with friends? Do you think it's appropriate for one spouse to prevent the other from establishing friendships? It sounds like you actually have no idea what you're talking about and have chosen to be hurtful in the general direction of someone who, while she clearly made some bad choices and is suffering for them, is actually in a really scary place and doesn't need this sort of thing from a stranger.[/quote]

Here are some reasons

1) OP never lets things go. years later, she still holds a grudge for being woken up. Normal people forget and move on
2) OP insisted on going on a trip with friends despite her husband being strongly against it, not liking her friends, and having two small children. She was supposed to let it go, but didn't want to, which screams entitlement mentality
3 Op repeatedly brings her accomplishments into conversations where they are totally irrelevant. Chances are, she does this with her husband and, chances are, he is not very educated
4) OP has hysterical, over the top reaction to her husbands anger episodes. She actually wanted to call 911 because she couldn't get a good night sleep. her husband never actually hit her, yet she had police at her home, and his career (and therefore family finances as well) potentially destroyed

Etc, etc, there were smaller clues as well. [/quote]

Her husband raised his hand to her and then destroyed her property. Does it only count as threatening and abusive if he actually strikes her? A person should wait until they've been physically abused before involving the police? If he hits her one time, is it okay to call the cops then, or should she wait until he breaks her arm?

As for the sleep issue, do you really think it's okay for someone to come downstairs to "check on" a grown person every 10 minutes all night long, wake them up and tell them they need to come back to bed? You really do not see how that is crazy?

I do agree with you that OP bringing up her accomplishments is not a good thing, but for different reasons. It's important to recognize that abusive relationships are not confined to unaccomplished, uneducated people. OP wondering how this could have happened to her because she's smart and successful is basically saying "Only stupid women are abused" which is just not true. Abusers manipulate and distort. They often present as charming and loving. After episodes of abuse (which the incident with the cell phone IS, as are the sleep issues - which OP brought up to demonstrate that this is not new behavior, not because she can't let go of anything for years and years), they are often contrite and make a lot of promises about how it'll never happen again. It always happens again.[/quote]

what counts as abuse" is irrelevsnt, the relevant question is do you want to save the marriage or not. I would not call the police based on threats and similar. Marriage is a big thing, things happen in the heat of the moment, and calling 911 amounts to starting a divorce. I would absolutely need more than broken cell phone and raised hands to end 10 yr marriage with 2 children. For a boyfriend, yes, the threshold should be much lower.

I don't think it's ok to be waking up the Op and all that, but it's even crazier to consider callin 911 about it. Most of all, the fact that she remembers and brings it up 4 yrs later makes OP a very difficult person to live with. Also, note that she made a point how successful her presentation was, despite the wakings. Really, how is that relevant? She just rubs it in, even here, and one can imagine how much she does at home. Her husband sounds like someone who makes less money and maybe doesn't even have a college degree and OP is likely looking down on him (there was a whole patronizing paragraph here on e patterns in his verbal behavior).[/quote]

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