Reply to My husband destroyed my cell phone and I called the police

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At any point in trip planning did your husband say you should go?  Not that you need "permission" but I know if DH had planned a trip that I was opposed to for a reason other than"because I said so" I'd be beyond pissed.  I'm not excusing his behavior or blaming you, just trying to understand the situation and perhaps trigger for his rage.[/quote]

He agreed to it at first, though I knew he was not happy about it. Perhaps at that point I should have decided not to pursue. For me, I think, I felt like I had been walking on eggshells for years. Friends have fallen away because he always constructs reasons why I cannot do things with other people, or makes it so unpleasant that I don't want to. For example, I will go out to dinner with someone. After an hour, he will start calling and texting every 10 minutes checking on whether I am done, when I am coming home, etc. It is embarrassing for me to have my friends see me engaging in submissive behavior so I have stopped making plans. [/quote]

This is classic abusive behavior.  The perpetrator deliberately does things to separate the partner from their circle of friends and family.  When the partner is away/out of the abusers control, the abuser will often try to check up or otherwise control the time away.  OP, this is NOT normal.  You are an adult woman and have a right to make a decision to travel even if your partner disagrees.  In a normal, healthy relationship, a partner would say "I disagree and I'm not happy about it." and leave it at that.  In an abusive relationship, the unhappy partner punishes, is passive/aggressive or continues to be angry, etc.

Also, in an abusive relationship the abuser often makes the partner responsible for his emotional reaction -- "you made me this angry by choosing to go on this trip over my objections."  We are all adults, and we are responsible for our own emotional reactions.  Other people don't "make us" feel anything.

I see in your posts the classic response to the abusive cycle.  Please get help from a domestic violence counselor.  Please also consider opening up to a couple of trusted friends.   Secrecy is a key to enabling the perpetrator to continue this cycle.  [/quote]

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