Reply to Please help me not hate my adult stepson

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I am a very responsible adult and am also a stepchild.  My dad remarried 10 years ago and it was hard.  I find my SM and dad to be incredibly selfish and I think this is more typical.  You sound like a really nice person and are probably concerned about the stereotype.  Having kids of my own now, I can understand how it would be hard to love someone as much your own kids.  I know I couldn't.

The fundamental problem is that your DSS uses money as a proxy for love.  He hasn't grown up and your husband has been an enabler out of guilt. If your husband won't establish boundaries then you need to do so.  I would say something like when we decided to have a child I expected that you would be fully committed.  This means we need to provide shelter, daycare, food, car, etc which comes to 4k a month.  We also need to save for retirement and college which comes to 1k per month.  We have 1k left over.  Let's come up with a fair number that can be used for personal things ( clothes, electronics) or if you want to give this money to your son than great but no more than this.

I personally think that you married a leech.[/quote]

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