Reply to Atlantic piece: "My Daughter's Homework is Killing Me"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]But be honest. Aren't many of you lamenting the loss of free time for exploration, family, chores, etc also the same ones who will be wringing your hands if your kids don't have the grades to get into Harvard or Williams?

Maybe you can't have it both ways. My kid isn't getting into Harvard or Williams. But he'll get into a second tier college and likely do very well for himself. And in the meantime, he has time to read, researching things that interest him, help out around the house, AND he gets a solid 9 hours of sleep a night. I honestly don't think Harvard could serve him better, but obviously YMMV.[/quote]

Honestly, no.   I'm an academic (and the poster who wrote about kids losing the opportunity to set their own academic agendas) and I recognize that there are so many places where a smart and highly motivated kid can get a great undergraduate education, that my smart and highly motivated kid has nothing to worry about.  Money's saved for college so that doesn't limit choices either.  And, depending on what DC wants to study, Harvard or Williams may not be the right place anyway.

Where does your kid go to school?  Or, to be more precise (and less intrusive!), did you find a good school with reasonable homework loads or is he like the kid described in an earlier post who sets his own limits re what he's willing to do and then stops when they're reached?

[b]I think my mistake (made too early to solve without significant fallout in HS) was to look for the most challenging and interesting school I could find.  Part of what gave my husband and I time/motivation to explore was lack of challenge at school.[/b]  Private school also seems to push well-roundedness more than public, so I've also got a kid who works to lower her mile time, improve her drawing skills, write music, etc.  She's the product of a different culture.  Something's gained, but something's lost too.  I think it'll all work out in college when the workload is probably more manageable.  But I see no reason why HS should be structured in such a way that kids lose sleep over it.  [/quote]

Yes, I recognize that for many people this is a problem that was years in the making, and it would be extremely difficult to change course at this stage in the game. And even if you wanted to do it, your teen might not. It's true: I never bought into the idea that children must be challenged, challenged, CHALLENGED at all times and in every way, so my kids are well-versed in the notion that "well-rounded" includes time for sleep and sitting around chatting and reading for pleasure and walking the dog and making cookies and even flipping burgers for pay (sadly, we haven't gotten our teen to buy into this one yet, LOL), and they saw me overtly put the brakes on what I thought was any excessive homework when they were younger. So they've been somewhat indoctrinated into my way of thinking. And yes, they are in good schools with reasonable homework loads, but they are not in Big 3 or TJ or any of the academic pressure cookers. And they know that I would not encourage or even allow them to take all AP courses, for example. So--note to parents of younger kids!--it's an approach that has to start when they are much younger.

The second sentence that I bolded above is the one that I just don't understand. My guess is that you and your DH are successful people. And you got where you are by traveling a path that was somewhat lacking in challenge at school (as described by you). So the disconnect for me when I read DCUM and talk to people IRL is right here. YOU had time to play and bum around and do nothing and still you are a gainfully employed tax-paying, likely upper income member of society. For what reason was it so important that your child(ren) pursue a path of great challenge? It is as if a whole generation of successful people took a look at their lives and said, "I got here on my own. But there is no way I can trust that my children will too. **I've** got to get them there." There is something really backassward about that line of thinking. JMO.[/quote]

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