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[quote=Anonymous]haven't read the whole thread - but i gather from later posts that your husband is a bit of a jerk and doesn't like spending time with his kids.  that's a separate, and more important, issue than what a fair division of labor is.

but to the question at hand, it seems like SAH parents of school-age kids can, and probably should as a matter of fairness, get things done while the kids are at school - cleaning, running errands, paying bills, preparing dinner, etc.  I surely wouldn't begrudge anyone a little me-time squeezed in there, but generally it's worktime.   When everyone is home from school and work, it's familytime.  Sure, the working parent may need (and deserve!) some decompression time right after work.  (That's me in my family.  When I get home, after the baby nurses, husband takes the kids and I go out for a walk.)  But generally, there should be time spent mostly together.

Hopefully, there aren't a ton of end-of-day chores - just cleaning up dinner and getting the kids to bed.  While I agree in theory that end-of-day chores should be split 50-50, who handles that stuff seems to depend to some extent on who's good at what, how bad your days were, who really hates doing dishes, who loves walking the dog, etc.  (My youngest girl won't let DH put her to bed.  Whatever, it won't last forever.  I do it every night.)  In any case, there shouldn't be a ton of work left at the end of the day.  If so, I suggest adjusting something else!
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