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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't really get these comments. When other loved ones engage in self-destructive behaviors, we aren't expected to stay quiet.  What if her brother was an addict, or an alcoholic, or drove recklessly, or drove in a car without a seatbelt?  Would she still have to keep her mouth shut?  Of course not - so why is this different?  [/quote]

I would like to hear more comments about this position, because I agree with it completely. Virtually any other self-destructive behavior that loved ones engage in will bring about conversations, interventions, family meetings, you name it. Weight is the one taboo. Guess what, though... it DOES affect other people. It's not just about the brother who is obese. So why can't we talk about it?[/quote]

Haven't read all the comments yet, but thought I'd reply to this (sorry if it's already been said).

It's not that you're expected to stay quiet or weight is taboo while drug abuse is all open for discussion.  it's that almost ALL the questions about weight revolve around "should I say something about their weight?"  with drug abuse (just using that as an example instead of listing all the others) families bring in counselors, have guided interventions or family meetings LED BY PROFESSIONALS, or bring them to rehab to talk about it.  It is a calculated and thoughtful move that requires guidance from professional rehab counselors, and the input of the entire family and friends.

I never hear someone ask if it's okay to do that with an overweight person.  It is completely different for one person (a sibling, for example) to just say to the alcoholic..."Listen Jim, I'm worried that you drink to much.  you need help."  As yourself honestly.  Do you think that EVER works?  if you don't know than I'll tell you - NO.  the alcoholic will probably alienate himself from that sibling that keeps "nagging" him (his view) about his drinking.  That is exactly what everyone is saying about the overweight person.

So, to answer the question - If the OP wanted to get an eating disorders specialist, ask their opinion on how to approach her brother, get the whole family together to show their love and support, and asked if that was okay...my guess if most everyone on here would think that was thoughtful and loving.

Just do a real apples to apples comparison with what this sister is asking - and what some of the others suggest:

ask him to go out to eat to "model" good eating habits.
ask him to go to the bars with you to "model" drinking soda or water.   :roll: see why it sounds ridiculous?

have a buddy system to work out.
Hmm, can't even think of a good comparison to that - maybe take him to a cleansing/health spa?  Be buddies with him on that?

It's ludicrous when you actually compare HOW to intervene with one self destructive behavior vs. the other - they are treated completely different by society.  I think THAT's why its different   [/quote]

Not the OP, but someone who has actually considered an intervention for my brother who, if I had to guess, is at least 600 lbs. now. He can barely stand (and sounds winded even when he's sitting), sweats constantly, can't sleep without a CPAP, misses a ton of work, and can't sit in a regular chair, but his bloodwork, MRIs, etc. always come back fine. We've gone round and round with many of these same points with each other (the rest of us except Dad who is heavy but not exceptionally so are all in good shape). My brother was always a bit big, but the massive weight gain has been in the last 5 years or so when he's been dealing with a lot of stuff that frankly my parents have not been very supportive about when they had their chance and he has been through several therapists and assorted diet plans that seem to help for a little while but then he ends up bigger than ever.  So obviously eating is not illegal or directly damaging to others, but these other 2 thoughts keep at me too: suicide attempts are interfered with - isn't this like a form of passive suicide (but of course at this level of dysfunction I doubt if he would agree that's what it is, and who knows, maybe it's not). The other thought is that our family history for coping with things isn't great.  Two of us siblings have dealt with our stuff enough to be able to manage things in healthier ways, but the rest of them (except for the massively overweight brother) drink when something's bothering them.  The idea of having an intervention for him doesn't sound all that crazy to me as long as we were careful to find someone competent and compassionate to guide us (and who would likely exclude our parents) but our initial search hasn't been successful.

My brother is such a wonderful and loving person, but there is just this darkness that seems to have wrapped around him a few years ago and he got so burned when he tried to talk about it with mom and got shot down that he just changes the subject anymore.  Obviously he knows he's too big, and at this point feels so hopeless because it's a seemingly impossible amount to lose, but he seems like he can't really take appropriate care of himself anymore.  Not to the point where it's a legal issue (as many have pointed out, using food isn't illegal), but his overall functioning and quality of life are so basic, it's like how when someone is really sick and their capacity just shrinks to the very basics and he even seems to struggle with those (sleep, motion, work).  I don't see how we can't try to help him.[/quote]

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