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[quote=Anonymous]OP I understand your frustration completely.

As to how to handle it, that is more complicated. I like things simple, though. And in this case, OP, an "oh well" would do alot more to reduce your stress than what you did. Im not saying what you did is wrong, either.

Im guessing you were just offended she would do something that is the exact opposite of what you stated, and so specifically opposite.

There are two basic explanations.
1) She is one of those "Ah nonsense, its for the kids. It will make them happy" kind of grandmas, in which case "oh well" is the appropriate response because you cannot contrl her or the relatives who contributed. Accept the gift graciously and move on.

2) she is a passive agressive. In which case I have to wonder how this could possibly be the first case of it you have had to deal with. In which case your response might have been something she had coming.

If its #2, then its always going to be an issue in one way or another and you need to find a way to deal with it. Usually classic passive agressives are in denial.

If its #1, Im afraid that you would be better off having left it alone, only because despite you being absolutely correct that you made your wishes clear and for all the correct reasons, its still her call.

All the negativity you got here reflects realing with  a situation that is actually complicated by details too large in quantity to provide in the original post. I wonder, for example, what DH's perspective is. He must know his mom pretty well.

Maybe one way to lighten your mood about it is to consider that if this is her greatest sin, then you can be glad!!

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