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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't "rope" other people into praying.  They can just sit there quietly for 30 seconds.  OP just resents her MIL.[/quote]

Except it sounds like her MIL isn't asking everyone to just sit there quietly.  By expecting OP and her family to hold hands and bow their heads while MIL or FIL says grace out loud is asking for active participation.

I posted at 10:28 and am a practicing Catholic.  At our house we say grace before meals, and appreciate that our guests quietly sit, or if they share our faith, join in.  In someone else's home, I might quietly bow my own head and say a 5-second thank you, but wouldn't expect everyone to participate either passively or actively.[/quote]

I understand that distinction, but I don't see how that's important enough for OP to turn this into a battle or even bring it up with her MIL.  The cost is not worth the relative annoyance.  To me this is the equivalent of paying $200 for a candy bar.  Sometimes it's ok if you don't get your way, even in your own house.  That's another good lesson for her dc to see, as well.[/quote]

Not the PP you're responding to but I agree with her.  Just because you don't see the distinction as important doesn't mean everyone does.  I think it's a very important distinction.  When I'm in my mother's house, I show respect to her by holding hands when they pray before a meal but I don't participate in saying the prayer.  When it's my house, my mother bows her head and prays silently for a few moments before eating. When we have Thanksgiving at our house, we do as  PP suggested and express our appreciation that our guests could share the meal with us and then start the meal.  Everyone's needs are met and my kids see how we handle different customs without anyone getting offended or feeling imposed upon.[/quote]

What is the difference between bowing your head in your own house vs. someone else's house?  It's OP's choice.  If she doesn't want to bow her head and hold hands for 30 seconds to avoid a battle with her MIL, that's fine.  But she's going to come out of it looking petty and pathetic.  I don't think this is a principle thing, I think she just dislikes her MIL and doesn't want her to get her way.[/quote]

The big difference between the two is that I respect the traditions of the home in which I am a guest and I expect my mother to respect my traditions.  I’ll join hands because it’s part of her custom that I can participate in but I won’t bow my head and I won’t participate in her prayer.

I’ve seen anyone other than my mother try to impose their religious rituals in places where they are a guest.  If it’s not okay to do in the home of someone who’s not a family member (or in a restaurant), then why is it okay to try and impose it on a family member who doesn’t subscribe to those rituals?  This sounds a lot like ‘you wouldn’t tolerate it in a friend but you have to for family’.  I don’t believe in that either.   I also don’t respect someone just because they’re old.  It doesn’t matter what age someone is, they should be treated civilly and politely but that doesn’t extend to allowing them to impose their religious rituals on me in my home.

I’m sure some will never understand why this is a big deal to some of us that has nothing to do with power.  But it should be enough for you to know that we find it highly offensive.  Perhaps it might help for you to brush up on your history.  There’s an excellent recent biography of Roger Williams that may help you understand http://www.amazon.com/Roger-Williams-Creation-American-Soul/dp/0670023051 . 
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