Reply to has anyone on here terminated due to a positive T21 result?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, just checking back in (it's been a difficult 24 hours).  First, I really want to thank everyone-I do mean everyone-who commented on this post.  I knew I'd get a range of responses, and for those who actually have gone through this and those who have dealt with DS sibs/close family members, your insight has been valuable.  For those that question why, if I am anti-abortion myself, would I terminate, or even get tested, I agree it's a disconnect.  I am extremely type-A, and so I told myself I would want to know what was up prior to birth if there is going to be a life-altering disability.  That being said, my numbers for DC #1 were so great that I just kind of assumed that the number for #2 would be as well (and you know what they say about assuming).  It's only once the results came back that this abhorrent thought (abhorrent to me) started to come up.  And while I am against abortion for myself, DH certainly is not.  Of course he recognizes we are equal partners, and it's not like he'd push me to terminate if I decided I couldn't, but he just doesn't feel the same way as I do.

I also agree that materniT21 isn't necessarily as clear-cut as CVS or amnio, and of course I will be getting one of those done if the blood test comes back positive.  I am just really struggling with this sudden change in what I thought was a firmly held belief.  It's been rocking my world, the thought that I could terminate if I got a positive DS result.  Again, those who shared their termination experiences as well as those who shared their life experiences (both positive and negative) with close family with DS have been really helpful.  DH actually has a cousin who has DS, and is often at family functions.  His parents are in their late 60's and still caring for him-he's in his late 30's.  I know that his parents, while they love him, also feel like it's taken a huge toll on their lives.  Do we want that?  Honestly I just don't know.

Lastly, I think the biggest thing I'm struggling with, besides the difficult realization that my abortion feelings have changed suddenly, is the fact that if we do go forward with this pregnancy, everything I've envisioned about "our family life"-vacations, holidays, day-to-day life-will be drastically different.  I will have to go forward with zero expectations, and that is very hard for me.  I know I am getting way ahead of myself and borrowing trouble, but that's what I do best, which is yet another reason why I am not sure it's a great idea for me to raise a DS child.

Ugh.  I will probably be loosing sleep for this until results come in next week.  Thanks to those who offered support...this has been a very good thread to read.  I am off to check out some blogs that were suggested earlier. [/quote]

OP, my nephew was diagnosed with DS about a week after he was born.  I posted a picture of him earlier, but for some reason, Jeff deleted it.  You can read about him at his mom's blog.  Please look at her blog and scroll down just a tiny bit, to see the picture I had posted:

http://moreaboutmatthew.blogspot.com/

You sound so much like me, in the extreme Type-A-ness and borrowing trouble and such.  When I anticipate things, I feel them and live them a thousand times more than the reality.  It's hard.

Someone else mentioned this book already, but it's called Expecting Adam, about a couple of super-ambitious Harvard grads who married young and had a baby, but were still trying to keep all the balls in the air...when they unexpectedly got pregnant again, and then learned their son had DS.  When they are waiting for the prenatal diagnosis to be confirmed, her husband says "of course" they will abort the baby if he has DS.  And she knows this is something they have always agreed about.  But all of a sudden, with her son kicking and swimming inside of her, she flips out and says no.  Her book is quirky, but honest and insightful.

I had a (chromosomally normal) baby a couple weeks after my brother and his wife had my nephew.  So our little babies have been growing up together.  And so far, my totally healthy little girl has given me a world more trouble.  I'm so sleep-deprived these days, I say sentences backwards, while he is a little angel baby, always has been.  No serious physical disabilities at all.  Every milestone met.  Therapists come to their house to work with him.  He's just awesome in every way.

DS children have never done better.  SO many discoveries and advancements in their care have been made.  There has never been a better time to have DS.  And this happens to be the same moment when 90-95% of prenatally diagnosed babies are aborted.  Even as long wait lists stand for families desperate to adopt DS babies--SPECIFICALLY DS babies.

The odds are vastly in your favor.  This is probably an academic exercise.  But learn from it, no matter what.  What is mother love?  What is it to love a child into existence?  You said you have fallen away from your faith.  Let this experience lead to deeper questions about the meaning of life.  Why are we here?  Can suffering be redemptive?  Is human life a gift?

Blessings to you and your family.[/quote]

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