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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH actually has a cousin who has DS, and is often at family functions.  His parents are in their late 60's and still caring for him-he's in his late 30's.  I know that his parents, while they love him, also feel like it's taken a huge toll on their lives.  Do we want that?  Honestly I just don't know.
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Just FYI as many people don't realize what is out there. I'm the one who has a brother with DS. Most governments around here provide very good support for people with DS. My brother moved out of my parents' house and into a group house 10 years ago, in his early 20's. He lives with 2 other SN adults, and there is someone there 24 hours/day. It's a really good situation for him -- the caregivers change rarely and treat him like family (one even lives in the basement). He goes to "work" every day, which he does some menial tasks in a supervised setting. He really enjoys this. I can say this because he's my brother and we can "read" each other very well even if he doesn't communicate so much.

Almost all this is paid for or organized by the government, including his job. He's on SSA (Social Sec for people with disabilities) and the only costs my parents have are for incidentals like clothing or some spending money. They've set up a special needs trust for him, so he'll always be taken care of. He lives about 10 miles away from my parents, and they see him weekly. He also comes to spend the night during family holidays, though like many people with DS, he likes routine so he'll ask to go back to his own house the next day.

He goes to a church with a special mass for SN adults. There's a bit of a divide because some of the parents are getting quite old (70s) and they refuse to seek other living arrangements for their SN child. All these services are available, and usually free, but they're not willing to let go. I'm happy my parents arranged this early on, as it allowed them time to look into all options, find the best situation for him, and then monitor it. I shudder to think how things would end up if the decision had to be made suddenly due to an unexpected death or incapacitation of the parent.

I guess my point here is, don't assume that if your child has DS, that you'll be in the same situation with them forever. There are plenty of options out there for them to grow and enjoy a happy life as adults.
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