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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now. 
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder? [/quote]

Find the best high school for college prep and admission success, research early and go ask for data if not on the website. Rigorous courses in all areas and a peer group where they can thrive and rise to the top group, but not so easy as the school is not taken seriously by T20 and does not get more than 1-2 in each year. Average SAT for the high school as well as AP pass rates and score distributions are easy to find.

Make sure they are able to navigate their own schoolwork by middle school (ie no help with homework, no tutors to stay in the top level of classes--tutors should be for true learning and processing differences at younger ages, not to try to fit in a group they do not belong. Teachers always can tell from in class discussions and it reflects poorly in the LOR later). 
Let the rest happen. Encourage them to explore things they like whether it be chess or arts or sports, but prioritize sleep and do not schedule after school time every day or even most days in elementary school. They have to learn to handle free time, entertain themselves or read for fun. Let them decide extracurriculars and do not force any other than requiring finishing if you have paid for the season. 
All 3 of ours found a love for one activity over others before they were 11, though it was not obvious how much they loved it until later, and for one it never would have been the one we thought was a fit.

Listen to teachers when they encourage harder classes or encourage less hard, usually teachers are right if you have a good school. Know where the are baseline testing(CTP, WISC) compared to nationally normed data and accept the kid you have. Almost all schools, public and private alike, do testing by 3rd or 4th grade. It does not change much over time. If they are 98-99%ile then they are naturally a fit for T15/ivy. If they are below 95th%ile then they are likely not a fit at all --sure they could get in as a recruited athlete or major hook, but they will be outshined in any area that assigns grades based on direct comparison to peers(stem courses, econ, even humanities is much more reading per week at a top school than a T50). 
If they are 95-97%ile, time will tell but they are below avg/borderline for ivy+ and if they do not have that dig in and fight personality it may be a bad fit if they were to get in. Some students do well being a slight underdog, others do their best when they are clearly top 1/4 or better. Get to know your kid, how they respond to challenges and failures, how peer group influences them, and where they naturally fall compared to peers. 
Tests are here to stay, and colleges have realized tests say a lot more about readiness than the inflated GPAs of high school. 
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