Reply to My niece lives with us and recently got engaged — navigating changing family dynamics.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I fail to see what a lawyer would want with an uneducated, jobless, homeless 20 year old.

Who is paying for this wedding she's planning since she has no parental support and no job to save money from? I sure as heck would NOT be supportive of my son doing seven years of school to support this freeloader. That's what she is. [/quote]

You fail to see that a professional would want a supportive spouse who can manage the home? My cousin is a partner in a law-firm and her husband did all these things-cook, clean, manage kids, and support her emotionally. Do you think he's a failure? Is it OK because he has a college degree?[/quote]

It's ok because he is doing a lot of work and has adult skills. Managing a household is totally different from cooking now and then. Raising kids is totally different from fantasizing about raising kids but actually doing a small amount of babysitting.[/quote]
So because she doesn’t work, that means she has no life skills? If she’s able to cook and clean now, why wouldn’t she be able to do it later? If she can babysit kids now, why wouldn’t she be able to take her if her own kids. All of this is really simple, and if she knows all of this now, then why wouldn’t she be capable later?[/quote]

Because being responsible for all aspects of a child's upbringing and development is different from keeping a child safe and happy for a few hours here and there. Sure, she could figure it out, but parenting is not simple in the big picture and what she is doing now is not parenting. [/quote]
Okay. She’ll figure it out, just like plenty of other parents do. Honestly, I notice a lot of bias and hatred toward this girl specifically. I think some women here are uncomfortable because they want to believe their husbands chose them for being smart, educated, and professional, so seeing an uneducated young girl land a future lawyer makes them angry because it reveals a truth they don’t want to admit: a lot of men do not actually care that much about women’s careers or brains, and women can still find good partners by staying home.[/quote]eryin

Do you know many couples like op’s niece and her fiancé? I don’t know a single one, and that includes many sahms. It’s really unusual to never have had a job or gone to college and marry this young.[/quote]

I only know people like this who are both blue collar/low-income or live in other countries. Or it can happen if they're in very niche religions that discourage women from working and being educated. To live this way as a mainstream person is really unusual. Non-right-wing men usually want their wife to have some education, and more life skills and motivation than OP's niece seems to have. And even right-wing men don't usually warm to the idea of someone so lazy she refuses to get any job at all.

It's *very* unusual for a man with a post-secondary degree to be okay with this long-term unless he really loves the idea of a wife who he thinks is incapable of life without him.[/quote]

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