Reply to Mom chose vacation over childcare with no notice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is our primary childcare for my [b]four kids (7, 5 in Pre-K, 2.5, and 17 months). She watches them most days and some weekends, and yes—we rely on that heavily [/b]and prefer it over a nanny or daycare.

She told me the day before that she’s going on a trip this week. Not a heads up, not a discussion—just “I’m leaving.” Now I’m left scrambling to figure out childcare with two working parents and multiple young kids.

I get that she has her own life. I’m not saying she can’t travel. But I do have a problem with her choosing to go on vacation over childcare responsibilities she’s consistently taken on—especially with zero notice. That’s not just inconvenient, it’s completely inconsiderate.

When I said this timing doesn’t work and suggested she plan trips for times we’ve already talked about (like summer), she told me she doesn’t care, she can do what she wants, and that I’m wrong for even questioning it. When I pushed back and said she should have at least planned it differently or given notice, she called me controlling and a disrespectful daughter, and started calling me names.
Its not even just about the trip—it’s the lack of communication and the complete disregard for how much we depend on her.

Curious how others would handle this. Should I expect notice, or should I just assume I always need backup childcare no matter what?[/quote]

LOL I bet you prefer heavily to have this quasi-slave labor set up over daycare or paying a nanny.

Listen, my mom lives with us and provides what I consider to be a LOT of childcare - watches our 1 year old most school days until 3pm, and handles date nights with both kids once a month.  I buy her plane tickets to go visit my siblings once every couple of months because it's not reasonable for her to spend her retirement constantly "on", and that's watching 1 or 2 kids much less than full time.  And she lives with us for free and we cover most of her bills.  It's stil a lot to ask an older person to do!  You're trying to chain your mom to the radiator because you have FOUR children and no real plan to care for them.  That's a you problem.

Use Care.com or White House Nannies for your mom's vacation.  Get a feel for the actual value of what she's providing to you, and use that reality check to show some appreciation if she ever comes back.[/quote]

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