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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We recently moved (“forced” according to her) into AL [b](“beautiful prison”).[/b]  It’s a fantastic place and yes my husband and I would move there. She has a lovely apartment, exercise class 3 days/week, bridge 3 days/week, daily happy hour (2 drink max), all meals (good but def not great food), on site nurse 8 am-10 pm, on site OT and PT, lectures by community college profs, etc etc. 
She’s now been there 2 months, has made friends, but still thinks of it as prison. So be it. She is safe and well cared for. [/quote]

These places are a form of a prison. People have to live by the rules, they are managed by the staff, have to deal with an assortment of people that they don't necessarily like, on a daily basis. In the facility near my mom, which is very expensive and highly regarded, they have to eat dinner communally. If they want to eat in their rooms they have to pay extra. I get this forces people to have human interaction, which can be good. But research shows that while the elderly (and all of us) need interaction, negative interaction does nothing to help and can make things worse.

What I have come to understand at a deep level is that end of life is rarely easy on the elderly or the people who care for them.[/quote]

it's brain exercise having to navigate these social situations. My relatives who refused to move mostly rotted on the sofa and declined rapidly cognitively because they didn't try to use social skills with their kids and hired help. Most of their friends drifted away. Their homes eventually needed special locks if they were wanderers. Aging at home was more of a solitary confinement prison. I would not describe the ALs I visited as prison and in the case of Memory care, the locks were for safety. I have not heard of prisons with beautiful gardens and various social activities.[b] Do you consider college a prison too[/b]?[/quote]

I can't believe you are comparing going to college to being forced into a nursing home against your will. That said, I don't disagree that rotting at home is a better solution, just that many people choose that because they want to maintain their "freedom."

What happens with some elderly, is they have an emergency and are taken to the hospital. Then they are discharged into rehab. And if they don't have people who can prove they are capable of taking care of the elderly person AND have a home that is set up to facilitate the person, then most states if not all, will not allow the patient to be discharged, forcing them into skilled nursing.

At the end of the day, [b]there are very few good solutions for end of life.[/b] [/quote]

+1
And it doesn't help that personalities change. [b]A parent who doesn't want to be a burden when they are clear-minded can turn into a fussy, needy parent who wants constant attention.[/b] Just the clear opposite from when they were actually your "parent". It can be difficult for the lonely parent and for the caregiver. We need to look more into not only directives that are DNR but not having such dependencies on pharmaceuticals. Comfort and passing of old age needs to be a thing again. [/quote]

This is so true. They swear they will never be a burden, but old age is hard and many become afraid and needy. [/quote]

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