Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here

The fact is I have an abusive Mom and a historically angry brother who I distanced from (long before all these health problems became acute for my parents) bc of their behavior toward both me and my family.

As a result I stepped back years ago and they chose to  keep me further out.

So pardon me for needing a minute to navigate how the hell this is supposed to work. I thought I was doing the right thing by asking what would be helpful - how an arrangement would work. That was met with anger. Ok. I'm now being told to do something and I guess just figure it out bc he won't collaborate.

Ok so I guess I'll offer the best I can do and that's what it will be. I can go up the week he's away and propose me going up monthly for a week and see if that's do able.

That said I'm not available to be abused or mistreated. I will leave. There have to be some f-ing boundaries, but we are talking about people who have never had a healthy boundary in their.lives and have had zero care for me or my family for years.

[/quote]

This strikes me as disingenuous. If the issue was that helping with care led to you being abused or caused trauma, I’d think you would have mentioned that in the initial post. And I say that as a person who is low-contact with my parents because of abuse.

It strikes me that you’re upset you didn’t get the validation you’re looking for, so you’re changing the story to elicit sympathy.

If the issue is that your family is abusive, you need to draw clear boundaries with them, including around communication, and stop permitting the guilt trips. There should be no expectation that you’ll help because you’ve said so. [/quote]

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