Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]My wife feels stuck in the middle and I know it would be unproductive to tell my FIL that his cheap ways essentially mean my family wealth is being used to subsidize him.[/quote]

But...you are the cheap one.  You have had everything handed to you on a platter from your family and that has made you into a "taker".  You just don't want to pay for your share while socializing with them. You have a poverty mind-set  and you are greedy on top of that.  [/quote]

No you are missing the point. OP is a taker and a giver - the older generations gave to the younger in his family, and how he is also giving to the younger generation (as well as supporting his wife gladly in what appears to be a non-lucrative but personally and societally rewarding career).

The FIL seems to have a different and confusing attitude towards money. While requiring that your children make prudent college decisions is sensible at any income level, FIL’s “loan” idea seems to suggest that his idea about family and money is based on control and manipulation. If you have not grown up with that, it is very weird and upsetting to be thrust into. [/quote]

Put simply, OP doesn't see FIL as family. He makes all sorts of excuses to help his people, whether they deserve it or not, but sees the in-laws as outsiders and feels no shame in cheating them. This is a cultural issue, obviously. [/quote]

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