Reply to MIL keeps competing with my mom for time with my kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think it is YOUR job to make sure grandchild time is equal. Grandparents don’t have “rights”.  I would not listen to her jabs about your parents. Call her out. “Lillian, why would you say something like that?” Is her snarky talk reserved for you only?  I suspect you are too polite.   Going forward, communicating with grandma is your husband’s job too.  Next time you want to invite her to a kid event or dinner, i[b]nsist that he do the asking/coordinating[/b]. [/quote]

If he wants. I would say “DH it’s Larla’s spring show next Tuesday, if you want to invite your mom” and let him decide. Honestly a lot of these men seem well aware their moms are awful and that’s why they’re not the ones engaging, have respect for the views of the one who spent his whole childhood with this person. You don’t think she just now started making petty comments do you?[/quote]

What kind of coddling does your husband need? He doesn't know when the show is? Needs to be told to invite is mommy? [/quote]
So which is it? So many mixed messages in this post.

Let’s say I open my kid’s backpack and see the note informing us about the spring show.

Do I just… not tell my husband? No, of course I inform him.

Now, do I nudge him to invite his mom?

If I nudge, I coddling

If I don’t nudge, it’s excluding MIL

If I invite her myself, well, that’s DH’s job

But I’d DH doesn’t, then he is a dud and I should have just invited her myself

But if I do, that’s my DH’s job

And if I don’t, then I’m deliberately excluding her

The wife just can not win no matter what she does. She will be blamed either way! [/quote]

So the Spring Show is also communicated through about 17 different emails from school.  My DH sees those too.  One of us puts it on the family calendar.  We each decide on our own if it's something our parents would enjoy or not.  Sometimes we invite, sometimes we don't.  But I do not coddle my in-laws during these events, that's on my DH.  So when they show up late and can't find parking, this is not my problem.  If they are upset that they drove "all this way" and the event was short (and they showed up late) this is not my problem.  I encourage him to make sure his parents understand that being late means they'll miss a good chunk of it and that will we be inside already (I would never carpool bc they will be late).  If it's something bigger, I tell him that *I* will be upset if he misses it because he's outside helping his parent's park.  That's not as common, but it's happened here or there.  We talk about it in advance and make our family plans first, then he decides if he can deal with his parents.  I do not deal with them beyond saying hello/goodbye and generally being polite.[/quote]

Is this OP?  In my opinion this is a perfect and generous response to difficult in-laws.  I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.[/quote]

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