Reply to Is co parenting a woke male trap?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is co parenting a woke male trap?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This morning I was enjoying a morning sleep in when my kids were at my ex's house, but my 10th grader woke up me at 6:30 to ask when I was taking her to the dermatologist.

So I said, well I assumed your dad was taking you, and she sprang it on him, and he was flustered, but he did it.

You just have to drop the rope.

I could say, "Hey, just for the record, please ask me ahead of time if you need my help with doctor's appointments on your days!" and he would say, "Of course, excuse excuse excuse, blah blah blah," and then he would do the same exact thing. The only way to stop doing it for him is to stop doing it for him. I knew he would probably not notice/assume/forget. But I knew that carrying the mental load and reminding him and acting like it was normal of me to worry about this for him at all would just perpetuate the cycle. Break the cycle. He'll figure it out.[/quote]

Just want to note you can also set boundaries like that while married. [/quote]

It's much more difficult and exhausting. My xH refused to do chores, and even if I "set boundaries" by refusing to do his half, he just....wouldn't do them. The dishes would pile up on the kitchen counters for days/weeks. If PP was married, the DD would be constantly asking her rather than dad, or dad would sneak out of the house to go to work, etc.

There's been data showing that men, not just married men but even men in workplaces, just don't do things when a woman is present because they assume the woman will handle it. Getting physically away from a man by itself often makes them step up.

Plus, you don't have to deal with a man child constantly nagging you for sex as well. [/quote]

It depends on the people involved and the quality of the relationship. Someone who absolutely refuses to do any chores at all is just dead weight. But often it's not that dire. Many men who try to turn their wives into their mothers *will* contribute, it's just that they want to be asked to do things and won't take initiative. Or they try to get out of doing especially unpleasant tasks even when they are necessary (changing diapers, toilet training, etc.). Some men are extremely sensitive to ANY criticism, so they'll do stuff but then the second their spouse says anything that could even be perceived as negative, they quit (meanwhile my DH will tell me flat out that I load the dishwasher "wrong" and I will smile and say if he wants it done a specific way, he can do it himself). Yes this is "man baby" behavior but it can sometimes be addressed by just being direct, making it clear what your expectations and limits are, etc.

I also would not tolerate someone nagging me for sex.

A conversation I had to have with my DH quite a bit, especially after we had a kid, is that I didn't want to engage in some performance of 1950s gender roles. Which means that not only do I want to cook and clean while he sits around reading the newspaper, but I also don't tolerate him painting me as a nagging wife for expecting him to clean up after himself, or behaving like he is congenitally incapable of scrubbing a toilet or helping our DD with her hair.

For me it was worth the effort. A lot of this was him reverting to patterns his parents had engaged in or that had been kind of drilled into him by society by osmosis. Forcing a conversation, being really clear about the kind of marriage I wanted, etc., helped a lot.

If it had not, I would have divorced him. But sadly a lot of men really do require "training" because social forces and family cultures have often taught them how to be lazy man babies and no one has ever told them that won't fly.[/quote]
You seem to be really struggling with the basic fact that[b] lazy men aren't just hapless and untrained. They DON'T want to do their fair share and they WON'T.[/b] What do you do then with all your BS about "training"?[/quote]

Serious question but do you have a job and do you travel?

You have to train men by manipulating them. I’ve gotten far in life both personally and professionally and it’s because I know how to get what I want.

Multiple women I know who complain about their worthless husbands are always home. Men will have you doing everything if you don’t force their hand. You have to have hobbies and/or a job, and leave the house without instructions. [/quote]
I don't need advice from someone whose IQ is too low to comprehend the ubiquity of utterly selfish men. [/quote]

Your response makes it obvious why you couldn’t get your DH or ex-DH to co-parent!  [/quote]
Hello there, forum shrew. My life is worth more than playing animal trainer to an adult male. I'm sorry your life is worth less.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics