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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you need to go absolutely nuclear on your husband until he opens his eyes and intervenes. Sex strike, cooking strike, everything strike, total brick wall. If he has to quit his job or take FMLA leave, that's what he should do. Because his daughter's life is more precious than any job could be. And it'll be on your conscience forever if you continue to enable him. You can't do this for him! The child needs her father. Not a stepmother who pities her and grudgingly picks up the slack because her father ignores her.

If she's drinking and drugging and taking the car, HER LIFE IS AT RISK.[/quote]

PP stepmom here.  I agree with this.  Every single one of my stepdaughter’s close friends from her heroin years is dead now.  Every single one.  They were suburban middle class kids.  Both of her parents were Feds who work in DC.  Escalation from stealing my Percocet from a root canal in HS to IV heroin use was less than 2 years.  She is alive today but with years of complete and total hell under her belt…arrests, rapes, jail time, prison time, many people dying around her and literally next to her.  It is sheer luck that she is here given the odds.

YOUR HUSBAND CAN PREVENT THAT.  He absolutely has to stop what he is doing now.  It doesn’t matter what he has refused to do the last 10 years; that’s over.  The damage is done.  You held your finger in the dyke all those years trying to patch up the parenting he was neglecting and it was enough for the first two but NOT FOR HER.  She is in crisis.  They never have been.

He needs to take FMLA.  If he is a partner, he can take leave.  If he’s not a partner, guess what.  He needs to make a new plan.  This can’t be his life anymore.

If you love this girl, you need to be clear with him that normal is gone.  Your marriage and your family have to change now if he wants a live, functional daughter in 5 years.  It needs to be his primary job now.  [/quote]

I’m so sorry for everything you and your family has gone through, but I’m really glad to hear your stepdaughter is doing well now. My husband is a partner, so he does have the option to take leave. I haven’t had the chance to talk to him about it these past few weeks, but it’s something I really need to bring up tomorrow. I don’t think he fully understands the urgency of the situation.

Thankfully, she’s good about calling me for a ride if she’s been drinking and can’t get a ride from a friend/parent and hasn’t taken our cars for a few months, but her general recklessness is still a huge concern. I know things have been complicated, but at this point, I feel like my husband needs to really step up and help. What exactly do you think he should be doing to support her through this, in the best way possible?[/quote]

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