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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your DH needs to see this as the crisis it is and step back from work hours as much as possible.  What would be worse…her death or him changing jobs?  She is on the road to addiction and death now.  This will NOT get better on its own.

You get lots of credit from me for the parenting you have done with her older siblings. It is clear that you are an involved and caring stepmom.  But you should not have had to most of your DH’s 50%.  Some kids can get by with a lousy dad because they don’t have as many challenges or the have better internal external supports.  But his youngest daughter will not survive these year unscathed with an absent and distant dad.

Practical things you both can do if he will actually make parenting his daughter his PRIORITY on all of his days and weekends:

1) If she won’t turn over her devices, turn off your home WiFi and cut off the data plan for the phone

2) Keys stay in a locked safe at all times.

3) Family dinner every night, no devices.

4) Dad and daughter have to do life together.  He has to be the one to take her running errands. Shop with her.  If he has to go into work on a weekend, she comes to the office and helps.  Basically, they need to have a relationship again.  That starts with the basics of existing together without devices.

5) is there anything that makes her smile?  Anything she likes to do?  Anything she is proud of?  Anything she looks forward to?  Build on her strengths and what she enjoys.

6) the biggest question your DH has to ask himself each day right now - EACH day - is “How and I going to connect with my daughter today? Where can I find chances for connection?”  Could be texting her from work, sending her something funny, taking her out to dinner solo, etc.

7) give her an opportunity to earn money in some way, or help her find one.  What does she do well?  Build on that.[/quote]

[b]Unfortunately, I’ve talked to my husband multiple times about cutting back on work, but he’s not willing to do it. [/b]Over the last 10 years, I’ve taken on most of the parenting, and this is a new situation for us. The other kids weren’t like this, so her mom and I are trying to figure things out. His daughter needs him more than ever, but he’s so focused on work.

I’ve been encouraging him to spend time with her, and I think the suggestion of helping through work or other times is a good idea. —I’ll definitely push for that We already do family dinners and try to keep the devices off.

I’ve tried limiting her devices, but she always finds ways around it (hotspots, borrowing from friends). I can lock up the keys to the car, though, so that’s a good step. She does have things she likes and is good at, but motivation is a big issue. I’ll keep encouraging her to look into a part-time job or hobbies to get her going.

By focusing on protecting our home, finances, and peace, that includes protecting our entire family and my youngest stepdaughter, we’re just so new to this type of rebellion and not sure what else to do. [/quote]

Why. Did. You. Marry. This. Awful. Man? FFS! She is CRYING OUT for a relationship with her father. That is why she's crashing through boundaries! That is why she is acting out! That is why she is ENDANGERING HER LIFE. If he cannot see that and change his ways, he is a terrible parent. Open your eyes to who you are dealing with! How can you have any respect for someone who is so callous to his own child?[/quote]

I married him because I love him and think he’s a great person. He’s a bit too focused on work, but with a little nudging, I think I can get him to take a step back a little.[/quote]

I think you are underestimating the change in commitment that his daughter will need to see.  And the thing is…like, two weeks of him not working till 10 every night and on weekends isn’t going to improve her attitude.  She’s still going to be defying you and mouthing off to him or whatever…for months.  He might not see the fruits for a long time.  Is he willing to make changes for that long?[/quote]

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