Reply to Is pride really worth losing your family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it really really weird when family cuts off other family. Invariably when I hear details, there are issues on both sides even if one person is more at fault.  I hear a lot of stories of defensive language like ‘they were toxic’ ‘I need boundaries’ etc but the reality is that if the person wasn’t also contributing in some way, they wouldn’t need to be so strident and rigid. I have a family member who is likely mentally ill and has caused tons of drama, but are they cut off? No. I feel sorry for them, realize they are a highly imperfect person and I look for ways to connect that are not high conflict. If I engage with them and fight, what does that say about me? I know I can’t expect them to operate on the same emotional level as I do. And that’s ok.

They/we are connected to each other in various ways and ‘cutting them off’ would impact not only me but others. And to me, that’s selfish and unfair. [/quote]

This is a recipe for unfettered abusive behavior. Mentally ill or not, all of us should be in control of what we say and do and if not, then it's time for inpatient mental hospital. These people who have unpleasant relationships with their adult kids and their spouses somehow still manage to keep employment, friendships, and other social obligations. Meaning, they behave as you let them. There is no need to let someone to run amok just because they're your parent or IL. And unfortunately it's not always possible to keep up a relationship even if you actively try to avoid fighting, because they other person doesn't let it go. As the saying goes, don't fight with a pig in deep s*t: you'll both be covered in it, but only the pig will enjoy it. [/quote]

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