Reply to DD terrified to go to school due to classmates behavior. How to proceed?

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[quote=Anonymous]Kids with documented learning, developmental, and behavioral needs are protected by the Individuals with Disabilities in Education Act (IDEA). They are guaranteed a right to a free and appropriate education (FAPE) and are protected, as are all students, by the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA). In principle, this is a very important part of disability rights. The provision of services in special education is terrible, however, and the interpretation of least restrictive environment and what is a manifestation of a disability have also become very sticky issues. OP, you find yourself in the middle of one of the most challenging parts of American education right now: Disabled children need to be protected, but so too do the typical children in classrooms. One person’s rights can’t come at the expense of another’s.

If your child has anxiety, document it medically. Then ask for a 504 plan. It will take some time to get the plan in place. In the mean time, send in doctor’s notes. Ask for a change in seating. Ask if your child can use noise canceling headphones or any other tool that you think might help her cope with the other child’s meltdowns. Every time your child comes home upset, has difficulty sleeping, or shows another manifestation of stress, document it. If the principal is not responsive to your needs and your requests for accommodation, document that to the superintendent and school board. Start by checking in weekly; be a relentless advocate.

To a certain extent, teaching coping skills to your own child can help. However, we are meant to be alarmed by behavior that is out of the norm. When we see people being erratic, yelling, or destroying property, it’s supposed to get our attention and force us to evaluate whether we are safe or need to take action. It’s not particularly typical to be able to live with that level of disruption without it affecting one’s nervous system. Adults who teach in such classrooms effectively spend an enormous amount of energy regulating their own emotions and helping to calm the children in their care. We shouldn’t ask untrained children to do the same. It’s just not healthy.[/quote]

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