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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]From Dad's perspective, breaking the trust is emotionally hard to deal with. If my daughter had done this, I could understand why he is still suffering. Remember, in his mind, he is trying to get over this, but he just can't (yet). [/quote]

What do you suggest? Should I and DD stay quiet until he cools off? I don’t know how long it will take though? I can tolerate him. It just hard for DD to see her pain. [/quote]

Tell him to leave and come back when he is ready to deal with this like a mature adult. He doesn’t get to do this. When he is ready to talk and rejoin the family, he can return. He can stay in a hotel. If he won’t leave, I would seriously consider taking my daughter and leaving. Go to a hotel or a friend’s house. He needs to see how harmful this behavior is. You can offer him a way out by helping him talk with her and letting her know how hurt he felt. But he has to say that and move on.  [/quote]

I issued a similar ultimatum to my STBX. He went to our second home for a while. And then a month later, he filed for divorce.

My DD pushing back against his emotionally abusive behavior impacted him differently than me pushing back. He couldn’t handle it. I think it basically destroyed his ego so he had to destroy our family to make it “fair” and get away from the shame of what he had done.

OP, I think you rightly sense that this is more than just him being mad about a phone. You’re in a really delicate situation. I don’t mean to sound crazy, but he’s showing you a bit of who he is. This is a good time to quietly gather passwords and screenshot account info and other financial information. Make copies of important paper documents. Best case scenario is that you never need any of that.

Good luck and good for you for flagging this as not ok. Thinking of you and your DD.[/quote]

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