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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I found out on my own at 16.

I think it's better that they know. Otherwise they won't truly understand their own family and be able to make informed choices about who to trust. I certainly am much happier knowing, because it makes a lot of things make sense that I would otherwise not understand.[/quote]

Thank you for sharing this. I am the parent who kept the infidelity secret from the kids and tried to carry on with co-parenting as normal with my ex.  They were 5 y.o. And 18 mos. when we split up, so OFC it wasn’t appropriate to tell them at that age.

But, a guy who commits serial infidelity and tells extensive lies to cover them up and manipulate the partner to stay obviously has a lot of character and personality issues that manifest in his relationship with his kids. Over the years, I do feel like my keeping the secret and trying to support their relationship with their dad normalized his behavior in a way that was not healthy for them.

I often wonder if I should have told them, but when? How?  I think I would have just come off as vindictive or creating conflict.  Instead, I offered them therapy in adolescence and hoped the therapist would help them work through their relationship with their dad.  Also, TBH, I have always been a little scared that telling my kids would set my son up for some kind of subconscious pattern of following his dad’s behavior, which would break my heart.

What is it now that you “truly understand”?  How has knowing or not knowing affected your other relationships and ability to trust?[/quote]

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