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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I believe in telling the kids. Not trauma dumping, not sharing details, not processing your issues with them. Just telling them calmly and directly why their family unit as they know it is ending (without graphic detail or emotionally charged blaming language). It’s their family, too, and they deserve to be able to start processing it and moving forward themselves. [/quote]
This is so stupid. Happy people don’t cheat out of the blue. So if you destroy your kids’ relationship with one of their parents over this, you are immature and stupid. If the kids ask when you’re an adult sure tell them. But tattling on a partner who made a horrible mistake when you were not 100% blameless is insane and when your kids reach adulthood or midlife they will understand the big picture. Yes cheaters suck but ruining your kids lives with this info means you suck too. [/quote]

Owning your mistakes reduces their power to inflict additional damage.   I believe the wayward spouse should tell the kids without blaming the faithful spouse, express deep remorse and stop pretending to be someone they are not.  Details are not required, but avoiding accountability and open communication is what allowed adultery to impact their lives.  Prove you can grow from the experience and be a better person, both spouses are imperfect and played a role in the deterioration of the relationship and family.  Only one chose to selfishly live a secret life over doing the hard work to make it better or making the hard choice to leave.  [/quote]
So a close friend of mine was in a situation where for years she told her DH she was unhappy and wanted some connection. She initiated talks, gave suggestions, and waited until he was ready to lean in. He never did. He did some performative stuff for a week or two then just let everything linger. She calmly said she felt disconnected, there was no intimacy, etc. like the dude had zero interest in her career or anything. He kept begging off therapy, wouldn’t do any at-home stuff to connect with her. Years of this and she found someone who was like an escape from the desert of love her home had become. [b]She didn’t leave because of finances[/b] and young kids. Should this really be placed 100% on her? Sure she never should’ve crossed the line, but that sure seems like they both messed up to me. [/quote]
So she didn't want to get a job, she just f***ed around instead? What a nasty friend. I can't believe you're admitting that you think that's ok. [/quote]
She works. Nice assumption. [/quote]
Not enough to support herself apparently? [/quote]

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