Reply to Husband Wants Open Relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He’s a loser! I would divorce over this. I bet he’s already sleeping around.[/quote]

Yeah that was my initial reaction, but I’m not sure if divorcing him is a good idea. When my grandfather got divorced, he ended up getting remarried later and some skank stole my mother’s inheritance. I don’t want my kids inheritance to get stolen from them by a sleazy second wife. [/quote]
It might not be your choice if he decides to leave.[/quote]

Yeah but we have a prenup that whoever files for divorce is gets less of the assets. There’s no cheating clause in it, just basically it’s presumed that the person who files for divorce is the one who caused the divorce. [/quote]
that makes zero sense.

So, if the person is abusive (financially, mentally, emotionally, physically), and you file for divorce, it must be your fault?[/quote]

We got married in our 20’s and I saw the prenup as more of a formality. I never expected to actually need to use it. I thought it was just something his parents were forcing him to do, but I did not have any reason to expect that it would be potentially weaponized against me during the marriage to excuse bad behavior. [/quote]

You need to see an attorney first and foremost. Often courts will throw out prenups with those "penalty clauses" because they do not want people trapped in marriages via financial punishment. Also, the fact that family pressured you both can mean the prenup gets thrown out.

Do NOT agree to the open marriage. He can later use this against you. If you do decide to file for divorce later on, he can argue you gave consent to the open marriage.

I would also be VERY suspicious this is a play by him to push you towards divorcing him - is it possible he wants to divorce but does not want to be financially punished? There are some sick people who will do everything they can to push the other person into filing.

Document absolutely everything. The open marriage request, any pressure, any threats, etc.

Remember this for what it is: he is expecting *you* to take on the risk while he expands his options. He gets sexual freedom and financial protection, you get emotional risk, STD risk, risk of him getting someone pregnant, and even if he gives you herpes and knocks up a hooker, you are *still* financially punished for leaving.

BUT a possible strategic move is to agree to the open marriage under the conditions of a postnup that kills the penalty clause, adds in boundary violation clauses detailing the terms of the open marriage (eg use protection, no coworkers/friends/exes, no sex workers, etc) and if he violates those, he forfeits assets. I'd also add in guaranteed spousal support, so if, say, he runs off with another woman, you get a payout. He also covers all STD tests, counseling, sitters for when he goes out, etc so you aren't shouldering the financial burdens.

Idea is that if he wants to change the marriage, he also accepts financial responsibility for the risk he's introducing.

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