Reply to How to communicate to parents about reason of estrangement so they can stop the “we have no idea”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I am not in these estrangement wars but I read your whole post and I have no idea what you want. [/quote]

I want (or wanted) a real relationship with them, where not all interactions are surface level.  I am okay with surface level relationship at work, for example, if a co-worker is racist towards me, I wouldn't confront that person, I would just set quiet boundaries and carry on.  I would only act if boundaries are crossed.  But I expected more with parents, I guess I was wrong.  I thought people should have open communication in a healthy relationship.  But reflecting on upbringing, I think because of the way they were raised, they don't communicate at all, even to each other, everything is swept under the rug (to put it nicely).  I want them to stop saying "How are you doing today?" as if they care, because we all know that the only answer that's allowed is "I am doing good".  [/quote]

Have you considered the possibility that the relationship feels superficial because they feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you?[/quote]

OP here, yes, I have, I constantly reflect on myself.  I don't know, but I would be happier if they say to me: "we read your letter and heard what you had to say, but..... and we feel this way... we feel like we walk on eggshells around you because...",  you know, just say that instead of a one sentence response of "well, you must hate us".

Seriously, I feel much better already imagining they would say that to me.  I would feel so seen.  LOL[/quote]

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