Reply to Are there things people can say or do that you can’t really come back from, even with an apology?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For years, someone regularly attends your dinner parties. You’ve hosted their family and friends, gone out of your way to be inclusive, and they’ve always complimented the food and the gatherings.

Then, completely unrelated to the dinners, this person is angry about something else and tells a third party that you’ve actually “never been a very good cook.” That comment gets back to you. When confronted, they say they “didn’t mean it.”

Here’s where I’m stuck. If they “didn’t mean it”, then they were willing to weaponize my hospitality to score points or hurt me while angry. If they did mean it, then they were dishonest for years and chose a moment of conflict to unload it. Either way, it feels less about food and more about trust and respect. I’m having trouble seeing a path forward where I continue hosting this person in my home. Not out of spite, but because something fundamental feels broken. Am I overreacting, or is it reasonable to decide that some dynamics don’t recover once you see how someone behaves when they’re upset?[/quote]

Absolutely.  I had a boss once who was impossible a and he was genuinely loathed by everyone.  I finally couldn't stand him any longer and found a new job.

He insisted on an exit interview, which was his review of all my faults.  Eventually , he asked if I had anything to say and I was tempted to tell him he was an obnoxious jerk and it was easy to understand why his son had committed suicide.  But that voice we call our conscience told me that he would never recover from this and I said no, stood up, wished him well, and left.

I also believe that I would never have recovered if I had told him that.

[/quote]

I'm not going to derail the thread with this but you get zero credit for not having said those words out loud. The fact that you even thought that is disgusting. You need to really work on yourself. [/quote]

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