Reply to S/O: Separated but not "divorced"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I appreciate the insights in this thread. I am considering going the separation route if things with DH don’t improve in the next 1-2 years. He is in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD (and likely high functioning autism), and I certainly have my flaws, but he is a very difficult person to be married to.

His behaviors (frequent emotional outbursts at minor provocations, Jekyll/Hyde personality, selfishness re: division of labor) killed any emotional connection we once had and I’m at my limit. We have two young kids and have done counseling, etc but not much has changed.

I have no desire to remarry and he says neither does he, am a high GS fed (he’s currently unemployed/“self-employed”), and we have a second house house he can live in. If the ADHD medication route doesn’t work, I think this is the way so my kids’ lives are not blown up and I’m not paying him child support. We’re low conflict, friendly when he’s stable, and he’s a decent dad. [/quote]

You are describing my STBX. I have posted here before. I was trying to wait until the kids were 18 because I could not see a universe where he would be able to care for them, and his poor treatment of me became increasingly justified in his mind by his late-in-life diagnoses of AuDHD. Anyway, he got more and more hostile and I was just trying to survive, and he basically had a long term autistic meltdown that ended in a surprise divorce filing. And now it is a true nightmare. Imagine someone with adhd and the self-righteousness but mind blindness that comes from autism, then give them money and the legal system.

Please do what you can to get every single password and login, secure your finances, make sure friends and family have house keys, and get your kids in extracurriculars that get them around healthy adult male role models and/or are very time consuming. The latter is all that is keeping my kids going.[/quote]

Wow, I feel like my DH is a twin of yours and OP’s.  I have stayed because I know he will become the absolute enemy if I left.  I wish we had a 2nd house for him to go to.

Hes a great dad when he’s in the mood to be which is about 20% of the time but that’s utterly unpredictable.  Most of the time he’s just moody and awful.  
He does cook for us every day though which is something.

He lost a long term job lately (he held it for 30 years and is in his 50’s) and I don’t k win if he will ever be employed again.  It’s been difficult. [/quote]

Try posting on the careers forum for advice.

Does he have any expertise that can be sold here?

https://glginsights.com/

I made about $1,400 doing a few consults with this company.  It is not a scam.  But you need relatively industry-specific experience.
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