Reply to DW never wants sex during the holidays

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's completely normal. Her social energy is all used up by the social obligations of the holidays. She doesn't have enough alone time and rest. Yes it's a special time to connect-- but with other people, not you. Because she lives with you all year long. You should be connecting with the other people that you are seeing, not increasing your demands on your wife.

You might think that telling her all of her efforts are stupid and pointless is the solution, but it isn't. You could consider taking on some of the workload, but only if you're going to do a good job and do it reliably and without being reminded. Otherwise you're just one more problem on her list. [/quote]

I don’t think that telling her that all of her efforts are stupid and pointless is good, but I think it’s fine to tell her that maybe they should dial it back as a couple.  
He’s her husband.  He is supposed to protect her and take care of her, at least somewhat.  He shouldn’t just watch while she makes herself crazy and exhausted.  [/quote]

You can try that, but what you're saying is "Don't do the things you have been doing, because I don't value them." That is not going to put her in the mood. It only makes her feel unappreciated and alone. He should offer up something that *he* values to be eliminated or taken over by him. [/quote]

No.  
You can have like three things you value around the holidays and that’s it.  So, you can value:
- family time, religion, music
Or
- gifts, elaborate meals, and decorations 
Or
- cards, connecting with extended family, and baking for the neighbors

You don’t get to say that you value 25 different things and then drive yourself and everyone around you crazy.  
[/quote]

"Honey, you are driving me and everyone else crazy and you can't have the things you value" is not going to get her into the sack.

[/quote]

Maybe not.  But at least she won’t be making herself crazy and exhausted.  
It’s kind of his responsibility not to let her do that.  Even if it doesn’t lead to sex. [/quote]

I wonder what voluntary activities of his she would like to eliminate. For his own good of course.[/quote]

Probably work related stuff.  I know I tell my husband not to pick up extra work because he thinks we need the money.  We will find other ways to save money, but we want him home.  
  [/quote]

At least he's getting paid for it. My salaried exDH liked to hide behind his work rather than do any sort of mental or physical labor at home. Change a lightbulb? Dry the dishes? Nope, have to revise this slide no one will actually look at for the 14th time, because "work".[/quote]

Yes!  The idea that men don’t get anxious and neurotic about stuff that doesn’t matter is ridiculous![/quote]

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