Reply to DW never wants sex during the holidays

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DW never wants sex during the holidays"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex used to get verbally and sometimes physically abusive during the holidays.  I'm quite sure it was caused by the pressure of nonstop family scrutiny, even though my ex was from a loving family.  I am a man and she is a woman.  When I say verbally I mean screaming, and when I say physically I mean hitting. Her punches and slaps never actually hurt physically but they were very upsetting to me, especially when one of our children saw her throw a punch, which I blocked with my hand. Years later our child asked me about the time mommy and daddy were hitting each other during a family event. This happened in a private room but the kid saw us.  Most people wouldn't believe me if I told them. [/quote]

This is going off-topic but it’s really important to call this out.

Your ex was engaged in what is inaccurately described as “reactive abuse” or more accurately self-defense against escalating emotional or physical abuse, typically perpetrated by someone with a personality disorder or at a minimum engaged in manipulation and emotional abuse. Anyone about to nod along and pity this PP should google “reactive abuse” to understand what’s being described. [/quote]

How can you possibly have enough information to make that diagnosis? PP says he was being hit and suggests it was a result of his wife being stressed out because she unduly scrutinized by her own family. Taking those assertions as true, how can we leap to the conclusion that the wife was hitting the husband because of the husband's abuse? [/quote]

His language and description is very hands-off about his role in the situation and clinically specific to a degree that is extremely recognizable to anyone who has dealt with interventions in this kind of situation. Maybe (infinitely small chance) he didn’t do anything, but the scenario he’s describing, particularly blaming it on his wife and her family’s expectations and it taking place around the holidays while describing himself as an innocent bystander and victim, is so common that it might as well be a script.

I don’t really care if you think I have enough information- there is someone reading this thread who has experienced the exact same thing and is blaming herself and staying in a relationship with someone who is telling her it’s all her fault. If she can google “reactive abuse” today it might give her the push she needs to seek safety. [/quote]

You are a psycho. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics