Reply to Accomplished woman trying to date after a long marriage - men are drawn primarily to my caregiving abilities

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most men want a soft woman. Fit, feminine, friendly. Cooperative instead of competitive at home. They don't want a spreadsheet with arms and legs barking orders off the clock. They want a warm human being with empathy and kindness who can put her work away. A good man really doesn't care about your money, because it isn't his money. He knows that his money would be your money but your money wouldn't be his mone in a marriage. So when you talk about your money, it means absolutely nothing to him. He views your career as an impediment to spending real time together, not as a positive selling point.[/quote]

As a guy this 100% correct. When I hear own you own firm and heavily invested in your career, I hear a lot less weekends away and minimal if any longer vacations.[/quote]
Yes, because you're selfish and unfit for a relationship, you evaluate women entirely in terms of what they can give you and have no intention of compromise. You should die single.[/quote]

You emotions, out weight your ability to comprehend what you read.
What is selfish about what I said. The fact that I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have the ability or flexibility in their schedule to travel with me? How is that any different than a woman saying she doesn't want to date a man who can't afford to travel. Or doesn't want to date a man with kids because it will limit her ability to enjoy the things she enjoys? Or saying she won't date someone who refuses to fly?  Travel is important to me, spending time with the person I am in a relationship with, is important to me. Where did I say or elude to only evaluating woman entirely in terms of what they can give me? If being in your 50s and wanting to be in relationship where we travel and spend time together is selfish is you definition of selfish I feel sorry for you. And I will not die single, because what I stated is not selfish and there are plenty of woman who agree with me.[/quote]

I think the problem (on this and on a zillion other similar threads throughout the internet) is that people confuse “I want…” with “All men want…”  (or “all women want”, in some cases).  For you, since you like to travel, having a demanding schedule and less flexibility is a dealbreaker.  Which is perfectly fine.  Everyone is entitled to their preferences, and you know what works best for you.  But that can’t be generalized to all men, or used as an excuse to tell OP she belongs on the shelf simply because she is not in your personal dating pool.

While women are guilty of this too, I suspect many men try to disguise their personal preferences as universal so that they can wield them as a cudgel against women who dare to be too independent, or too old, or too whatever.  “Men don’t care about your career, men don’t care about your money, they don’t want to hear about your office politics, they just want you to be soft and feminine and listen to their problems and make them dinner”.  Maybe men think it sounds too nakedly selfish if they say “*I* don’t care about your career…”, and that it carries more authority if they claim to be speaking for an entire gender.

Anyway, the not so subtle message they’re trying to convince you of is that as a woman, you must choose between developing your full potential, and being partnered.  “You’re only lovable when you’re less than me.”  This is not a choice men ever are asked to make.[/quote]

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