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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I've read all the responses and really appreciate the helpful advice.  To be honest, I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed now and think I need to take a day to digest.  There are other things going on in my life as well, including a parent with health issues and dementia.

I am so thankful for the feedback though and it's really helped.  Will come back to this when I have the bandwidth. [/quote]

OP, you need to buck up and deal with this. I'm sorry you are overwhelmed but that's part of the job. Help your kid and stand up to your husband. His narrow views of what is acceptable (only EF support!!) and your timidity has allowed your kid to drive this bus when she is not equipped to do so. This is not normal kid oppositional behavior and you have to stop thinking about this as a behavioral issue at all. Something very bad is going on and your kid needs a strong hand to intervene and be the parent here.

My parents were like this -- they were weak and not on the same page and let me flail. I self-diagnosed myself with ADHD in the 90's (later confirmed as an adult) and I also clearly had multiple bouts of depression in hindsight. My mother's response when I told her at 15 that I thought I had ADHD and needed help? She burst into tears, sobbed about how I'd "always been so smart" and NEVER SAID A WORD ABOUT IT AGAIN in the 30 years since. She was too afraid to rock the boat, too afraid to even broach the topic with my dad who does not "believe" in such things even though he is also clearly neurodivergent, and I was just left to deal with all of my issues on my own. I made it through, but MY GOD if I'd only had someone to be an adult and help me, how much easier my life could have been. [/quote]

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