Reply to MIL cuts us off, then demands holiday access. Advice?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe just let her come and go as she pleases but don't give in to the drama. Don't change plans for her, don't make special plans for her, and don't act like it's a big deal if and when she shows up. She's seeking attention and to upend your lives . . . don't give her oxygen.[/quote]
During her “re-entry”, though, she acts like a wounded animal, cowering in corners and just acting generally uneasy, like someone may yell at her. It creates an incredibly uncomfortable situation, and my kids are old enough to pick up on the awkwardness. I don’t want every holiday to be shrouded in this tension. It’s not fair to them, or to us.

—OP[/quote]

Let her come over and be awkward. You continue to do you, and you don't give in to her attention-seeking behavior. She wants you to argue with you, she wants to control your emotions, she wants you to ask her what's wrong. Don't.[/quote]

This is who she is. If your kids ask about it, just respond breezily, "oh, you know grandma, she's often weird when we haven't seen her in a while. Just leave her be" and go about your day. [/quote]
But what does that look like when we are hosting just her? I feel obligated to sit with the family. What does “go about your day” look like in this instance, when she comes over (she’s local) and expects to celebrate the holiday? It feels rude to just leave the room, but I guess I don’t know what else to do!

—OP[/quote]

Don’t hover, don’t constantly ask “omg what’s wrong are you ok omg” (the pouters and drama creators live for that type of attention), don’t feel like you have to constantly make conversation - she’s not your mom! Tell her to come a little before the meal is served and if you usually have holiday dinners on the early side, like in the late lunch time frame, maybe push it a little later into a typical if early dinner time frame. So serve dinner at say 5 PM and tell her to show up at 4. You greet her but you’re still really busy cooking in the kitchen. She does the whole pouting thing but you’re just too busy to deal with it! And the kids are watching a movie or playing a game and your husband is maybe helping you or maybe dealing with his mom. Dinner is then served and you eat normally. Then it’s time to clean up so you’re busy with that, she can be awkward with her son for awhile, and she leaves at 8 or whatever because the kids need to get baths and into bed.

I freaking wish I were in your shoes BTW, instead we have to spend a week visiting both sets of parents + a set of childless siblings, all of whom either cannot or will not travel and we’re the only ones who have small kids. I’d love for someone to be weird and pouty in my own house! [/quote]

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