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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My father wears sneakers in the pool.

I helped Alec Baldwin change a tire in 1990 and he thanked me by shoving an eight ball of cocaine in my shirt pocket.

I intentionally sunk a boat on the Connecticut side of the Long Island sound.

I gave Dee Snyder the finger when he was in the dairy barn drive-through buying eggnog and a 2 L bottle of Pepsi.

I was paid $2000 to check into the Tropicana in Atlantic City under a different name to intentionally lose $3000 (took 30 minutes), ate a steak in my room and checked out the next morning at someone’s request.

I’ve only slept with one woman in my entire life, I’m handsome, charming and tall, we’ve been married for 25 years and she still doesn’t believe me that she’s the only one.

I was abused as a child by a man that  lived across the street, his wife caught him but instead of comforting me or calling the police she hooked her finger inside my ear, twisted it really hard and said that if I told anybody she would tell our landlord to throw me and my mother out on the street. I never told anyone and it went on for probably another six months.

This was fun, I feel better, thanks!

[/quote]

I'm sorry about the monsters across the street. But I want to know the rest of the boat-sinking story![/quote]

The summer I graduated from high school an old man that I used to do odd  jobs for gave me the boat that was tied up at the dock behind his house.  
The boat was an early 70s 55 foot Bertram cabin cruiser, it had one working engine out of two and went through a battery every week because it took on water so bad that the bilge pump never stopped running.  My friends and I used it as a floating clubhouse in the middle of the harbor where it sat on a mooring, we would row out to it, drink, party and then head back to shore when we were done. The boat was like a tree fort that floated and had burnt orange crushed velour interior, two bedrooms and bunks for six a bathroom of the shower that didn’t work and sort of a powder room that also didn’t work.

I was 17 years old and completely broke, me and my friends would go out and swim, fish, girls would sunbathe and we would spend hours laughing our asses off. Eventually I ran out of money for batteries so every couple days we had to go out and manually drain the boat with these things that look like big bicycle pumps, I’d remove the hatch in the floor, get down into about 2 feet of water, run the hose out a portal and just pump for hours, we’d rotate on and off, smoke cigarettes, drink beer and laugh.

The boat was not registered or insured.  The summer of fun came to an end when I went to visit my dad for a week, the final mandatory one week in the summer divorce settlement visitation thing. 
While I was gone none of my dirtbag friends pumped out the boat, it essentially sunk down to the rail and when I got home from my father‘s there was a orange notice regarding a derelict vessel that the harbormaster had left at my house, my mother didn’t know about the Boat was stressed out of her mind just from life, looked at me and said so unbelievably coldly “this needs to be resolved in 24 hours“ it’s been like 30 years and I never saw that type of look before or ever again since that day.

The notice said that I would be charged $500 a day for blocking a waterway with a whole bunch of other codes and scary looking stuff.  I didn’t have the money to haul the boat out of the water, I didn’t have the money to fix the boat, insure it or register it.  So the same friends that couldn’t be bothered to pump out the boat while I was gone and I came up with a plan to take it out of the harbor to the middle of the sound where we thought it was probably the deepest, knock a hole in the bottom of it and sink it. 
I came home to the notice on Saturday and on Sunday we pumped the boat out while standing in chest high water with the cushions floating all over, that night around 10 we used my friend’s dad‘s boat to tow it out of the harbor, I stayed on  board and once we thought we were in deep water I went down below with an axe and knocked two big holes in the bottom, the water was up to my waist by the time I got the second hole in, I stepped off the rail at the stern onto my friends boat and within about 90 seconds it was gone forever.

I laughed so hard writing this, thank you for asking![/quote]

This is hilarious! (Ex-Navy officer and USNA grad, and boater, fwiw)[/quote]

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