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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]'Brenda' gets married and needs a house.  Brenda and her mom 'Joan' talk and decide that instead of buying a new home, she and her husband can build a 2nd story addition to Joan's house, and they can all live under one roof. Joan lives through a bit of a nightmarish year long renovation, while she remains living in the house.  Brenda and her husband move in to the 2nd story. They have multiple children.  They build more to make room for their growing family. They share the first floor kitchen, dining room, enclosed patio, and yard.  They host many large parties at the house. Joan helps with hosting parties, but is not very social, and tends to get stressed out by the social events. [b]They both fight over control over hosting duties.  Whenever Brenda's friends come over, she often instructs them to ignore Joan and characterizes her as a grumpy troll. [/b]

Joan is aging and has increasing health issues, and Brenda gets resentful as the designated caregiver, and says she has been tricked by her mom into sharing a house. Brenda is often the default family member who takes care of Joan when she is incapacitated or ends up in the hospital, and she and her family often help her out with things she can't physically manage.  After many years, [b]Brenda decides Joan is a narcissist and cuts her off, by ignoring her and letting family and friends know that she is no longer going to be the designated caregiver.  Joan gets very upset by this.  Family holiday gatherings get very awkward, since they mostly avoid talking to each other. Brenda tells her kids not to talk to Joan or do things for her anymore,[/b] because she doesn't want them to be "used".

Joan confronts her mom for ignoring her. Brenda blames Joan for not being a good conversationalist. [b]Brenda is fed up with her mom and openly wishes to her friends that her mom would die. Both Joan and Brenda claim they need to walk on eggshells with each other, and they both claim the other flips out and gets angry.  Joan feels Brenda has turned everyone against her and feels alone.  Brenda feels Joan has brought it on herself.  She starts confronting her for all her bad behaviors [/b] (things like asking her teen to pick her up from somewhere, or getting upset at a party, or moving one of her yard decor items without asking) and is resentful that she cannot apologize and take accountability for her bad behaviors. [/quote]

Based on your own statements Brenda has been in direct conflict with Joan and Joan knows it. Maybe the only thing Joan hasn’t heard is that Brenda wishes she’d die sooner rather than later. 
[/quote]

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