Reply to Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP isn't looking at the long term. If you fight this it won't work and what will happen is he will fly his mother over with a nanny as well or another relative and you will never get your kid more than 50% of the time.

If you don't fight it you end up with extra time with your kid when you say you are willing to take your child when he travels.

Then after 3 years when your child is a teen they can tell a judge they want to be with you and you can then fight for more custody and child support. . [/quote]

OP here and everything in this thread pisses me off. But there are some bits of advice that are very, very good, and this point about the nanny is one of them. Thank you for thinking of this.

Going to go stew about how messed up it is that our kid’s time and childhood can be given away to people who aren’t even their parents in the name of some pretend version of 50/50 when an actual parent is available. [/quote]

Then you work with him and be flexible around travel. He is traveling for work, not pleasure.  You are going to royally screw up your kid if you take this advice.  [/quote]

DP here. 
Nope, what would screw up a kid is some willy-nilly "fly by the seat of your pants" custody schedule hinged on the erratic travel schedule of the traveling parent, whether it be jerking the non-traveling parent around or flying a long-distant aging grandparent in at the last minute. Zero stability or structure for anyone involved, except for the selfish jerk around whom the schedule revolves.
[/quote]

He's not being a selfish jerk, you are.  His job relies on travel.  Lots of jobs rely on travel.  Refusing shared custody will hurt your kids far more.  In marriage or having kids, you need to learn to be flexible.  There's a reason you are divorced.[/quote]

This guy doesn’t sound like a faucet salesman pounding the pavement from Indianapolis to El Paso nor a surgeon working for Doctors Without Borders. I think you don’t know a lot of high-earning people who basically travel for sport when it’s totally unnecessary for their jobs. I know way too many at my company and they are all divorced and having worked with them, it’s no surprise. Young people avoid their teams at all costs because they know that these guys have zero qualms about flying to Singapore to meet someone from the London office when everything could be done via a zoom on NYC time.

I should know. My exDH was also one of them. He was and is much happier picking up miles and points and catching up on new release movies on the plane than he was driving to soccer practice and scheduling gutter cleaning. He once famously said “I’d rather fly to this meeting and stay in a nice hotel than get up in the middle of the night at home to have to run it on zoom.”

Anyone who will trade 2 20+ hour travel days to avoid the discomfort of a 3 am zoom meeting from home is not a candidate for negotiating a flexible custody arrangement, fyi.[/quote]

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