Reply to Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?

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Reply to "Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So a lot of this is about him looking good and being rich presumably at your expense. If you end up more time he has to pay more because you are incurring the expenses, no? Ask your lawyer. [/quote]

Yes but first I have to document over time and then go back for modification which can only be done after a 2 year period unless he egregiously skipped out on visitation. [/quote]

Do you care more about money or your kids?  You will likely get them more than he does, which is great, but no court is going to award you more than 50/50 custody anyway so I’d lay low and let him feel like he is winning while I enjoyed extra time with my kids.  Meanwhile, you win because you get precious time.[/quote]

I’d just let him feel like he “won” this issue- and don’t even complain about it if you haven’t already (which will just encourage him to dig in his heels). In fact, I might even tell him (and exILs if you are speaking terms) that it is a great idea- because the more he & they think it isn’t what you want, the more stuck he & they will be on the idea. Just to feel they are getting one over you. There is pretty much no way the elderly grandma is going to be flying here for childcare with any real level of frequency (more than 2x/yr or something)- or that the exH will find it preferable- unless it is out of pure spite. So don’t provoke him or his family on the issue.

He will likely find it MUCH easier to just send the kid to you vs. dealing with his mom and making arrangements & instructions for while he is gone (because there will be some- scheduling of extracurriculars, appts, any house prep etc). If you were like most couples, he is probably not accustomed to doing those things when arranging for childcare/being out of town- and probably will find it a PITA. Versus just seamlessly dropping kid off with you.

Also having his mother visiting with frequency may actually get on his nerves- depending on the existing relationship. His mom getting up in his business or criticizing his parenting or home etc (as moms sometimes tend to do) will get old.

So I’d just let him feel he won this one, and whatever you do- don’t let him feel this is a power struggle. His plan is poorly thought out and is not going to work out anyway. [/quote]
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