Reply to How do people in this area afford divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your QOL goes down. A lot. And probably permanently. I’m not saying this to discourage you, but it’s just the fact, and not just in this area.

You actually don’t need 3 bedrooms. That’s a level of QOL that not all families enjoy. [/quote]

I think you fail to account for how much one’s mental health and overall well being can return/thrive when free of an abusive or addiction laden marriage. [/quote]

I’m not failing to account for it, I’m explaining how you afford it. Which is by cutting back on QOL things like the # of bedrooms that feels “necessary.”[/quote]

But you’re not accounting for the long term financial benefit of health and safety and wellbeing. So when you say ones QOL goes down, “probably permanently” I think you’re being pretty bold. I think staying alive and healthy is a lot better than staying in a 4 br home with an abuser. So I’d weigh that into my decision of what I could afford, were I mathing this for myself. [/quote]

You’re trying to read in something I’m not saying. I won’t speculate as to why, but it’s very obvious what you’re trying to make me have said is not what I said. [/quote]

You wrote- plainly that OP would “probably permanently” have a decreased QOL. I think that’s an awful, discouraging message to give any woman in an abusive situation- especially one who is in an “escalating” abuse situation. [/quote]

Oh come on. BSing someone about their finances is not discouraging! A person in this kind of situation needs real talk so that they can make good decisions. Not cheerleading and rosy scenarios. Yes, divorce is often a permanent QOL decrease. It was for both of my parents. And that's fine. It was worth it. Two homes are more expensive than one and it's not some awful message. It's reality.[/quote]

No, it’s a lack of comprehension on your part. You assuming me as a single mom is less happy with, say, 5 bedrooms and an abusive partner than I would be in a 3 br apartment and peace. And you have zero idea what you’re walking about. Sorry you’re still smarting from mom and dads split but you have no business telling women their life will get worse when they leave an abuser. [/quote]

With all due respect (and I say this as someone with personal experience here), since OP hasn't defined the abuse we really don't know. The word does get thrown around until it's almost meaningless by the Very Online, just like narcissist does. And financial stress is a real thing that totally impacts how life feels. I agree we can't guarantee OP will definitely be less happy, but we also can't guarantee she will be more so. The peace but extra responsibility and financial stress in a small apartment may well feel fabulous compared to living in fear of being hit. Or abuse might be more along the lines of sometimes walking on eggshells but sometimes life is good, and then it's a more gray area that only OP can decide for herself - and only OP and kids have to live with the results.[/quote]

Saying “everyone claims abuse” delegitimizes the fact that most tell the truth. So I’ve made a conscious choice to believe people when they claim abuse, and to support them getting out of abusive situations. I wonldnt focus on promising them their life will be worse, like PP did, because that wasn’t my experience as an abused woman (who also hid it very well). [/quote]
+1[/quote]

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