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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who your spouse is hasn’t changed.  They are just now diagnosed and can learn a little more about themselves and receive treatment.

Whether or not your marriage survives kind of depends.  Borderlines typically marry narcissists. It’s likely that as your spouse gets more mentally healthy and their self esteem improves, they won’t put up with your crap anymore.  You will both have to change for the arraign to work.  
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?? what? no, borderlines marry people who will tolerate their sh*t. the opposite of a narcissist. a partner to a borderline is much more likely to be passive and codependent, taken in by the borderline’s strong personality when it’s a positive, and then willing to subsume themselves to avoid triggering the borderline’s bad side. another pairing that works is a very emotionally obtuse man who just doesn’t care about the borderline’s antics (and lets the borderline wreak havoc on kids/stepkids/ILs.)

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I don’t know what to tell you.  Borderline/narcissist is a classic pairing.

This is a good description of why:
https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2007/01/borderline.html
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Checks out for me -- my mother had BPD and married a narcissist (my stepdad). It was a pretty horrible situation to grow up in. [/quote]

I actually dug up some research on this. Compared to controls, male partners of BPD women had higher neuroticism levels and lower testosterone. Narcissistic trait differences were apparently not statistically significant.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10045094/[/quote]

It's the stress and lack of sleep from living with a BPD/NPD. My doctor was amazed at how much my numbers improved after I got divorced. [/quote]

Agree: for family living with someone BPD or really anyone unstable it’s like ongoing trauma or PTSD or Cassandra syndrome. All. The. Time.

You can believe or trust them. You want to. So you try it again. You expect normal behavior but rarely get it. Then you reprogram yourself to be hyper vigilant and Uber independent. And to put up with verbal and emotional abuse. If kids are involved you stay too long. [/quote]

So true.

I have a diagnosed asd I / bipolar II spouse and to exist I have to set up everyone’s lives as if I were the only adult and parent in the household. And still have to fix all the constant mishaps, mistakes, setbacks and “misunderstandings”.  There are less now that all responsibilities are delegated out to long term help and myself plus now older, more independent kids.

Yes DBT was recommended by our former asd psychologist and therapist. But spouse’s day job work zaps them of energy and they still denial their neuropysch Dx and symptoms. Lots of DARVO repossess to anything. I work as well, frankly it keeps me sane.

Hang out with as many normal people as possible. [/quote]

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