Reply to 13 year old DD got in trouble at school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD(13) got in trouble at school yesterday for being on her phone in class. The teacher saw her using it but didn’t approach her about it and instead gave her an office referral which new policy for 1st time phone use and she was called down to the office. In the office, admin told her she could go back to class after she gave the phone to the assistant principal and  it would have to be in the office until the end of the day. But, DD refused to give it up so she got a one day in school suspension for insubordination for not giving her phone to the assistant principal and she wasn’t allowed to return back to class. DD told me that she forgot she couldn’t use her phone in class which I believe is true because she does have ADHD (combined as opposed to my older DD’s inattentive) but I’m not okay with her being defiant and following directions when asked to give her phone up.

When she got home, I talked to her about it and asked her why she didn’t give her phone up and she shrugged and said she didn’t want to give it to him but she did tell me that she was sorry. She isn’t disrespectful at home and is an easier kid at home than our other two older teens. She doesn’t have any behavioral issues besides at typical teen attitude here and there. But, she had gotten in trouble at school a few times for reasons such as not listening and being rude that have resulted in referrals and lunch detentions but this is her first in school suspension. One time in 6th grade, she got an in school suspension for playing around in the bathroom and throwing water on another student using a stall but they later found out that it was another child, so they rescinded the suspension. It turned out to be a wrong place, wrong time type of situation.

She won’t be taking her phone to school anymore and I think the in school suspension and taking her phone away for a few days are good consequences for what she did but [b]DH thinks the suspension is too severe and wants to contest it today, which we most likely won’t do but instead wants to give her consequences at home like taking away all screens including her phone for a longer period and give her another consequence like more chores or no sleepovers [/b]but I’m not sure about that. She’s overall a good kid, so I don’t want us to overreact with a bigger punishment but we also want an appropriate consequence. [/quote]

Your husband is the problem here.  She MESSED UP at school, the punishment absolutely has to fit the crime.  Teachers hate parents like you[/quote]

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