Reply to What do people mean when they say 2 kids is really hard?

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "What do people mean when they say 2 kids is really hard?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]2 is hard if you have 1 as miserable as people have described on this thread.  Sounds like people are raising monsters, not children.  We have 3 under 4 and yes, it's tiring and time consuming, but no one's running away, they eat the same meal or don't eat that night, they understand we're a family and we love one another so it's a lot of playing together and helping one another.  It's all perspective folks.  Expect them to control your lives and they will.  Keep control of your lives and kids are a wonderful compliment to it.[/quote]

This. Another person with 3 under 4 here. I couldn't have said it better myself.[/quote]

I agree. It is about parenting philosophy and the time you spend teaching your kids how to act. it seesm many of these parents that find it incredibly hard have a child centred parenting philosophy where they just run around after their child reacting to what they are doing, trying to give them what they want to keep them happy. That would be exhausting.

In our house...
Bedtime means bedtime
Stay with mommy means stay with mommy
Don't touch that means don't touch that
I said no means I said no
You need to wait a minute means you need to wait a minute
This is what we are having for dinner means this is what we are having for dinner

It is so much easier. The kids are happy because they have structure and know the expectations and we get to enjoy our time with them because we aren't constantly putting out fires, dealing with power struggles and chasing kids around. I have four in 5 years. One is the most stubborn child you have ever met, another is ADHD and easily distracted and impulsive yet even my two difficult kids have learned how to behave in a respectful and appropriate way. I have never understood the whole child-centred approach, I see it everywhere with parents chasing kids around, calling plaintively to the child to please listen to mommy while the child ignores them and does as they please and mommy has no respect or authority beyond running herself ragged, being owned by her child. They then end up having to deal with tears and screaming and dragging the child away. [b]It is so much more work and so much harder then spending the time early on to teach your kids how to behave and to respect their parents.[/b]  [/quote]

Any references for guides on how, exactly, to do this and what parenting behaviors to avoid if you want to enforce appropriate boundaries for your kids consistently?  As a first time parent I know where I want to get, but I have difficulty seeing how, exactly, to get there.[/quote]

I would say that first off, you have to believe in yourself as a parent. So many on here are saying that they don't have any influence over who their child is, you just either 'get' a well behaved child or you 'get' a wild child and nothing you do will influence how your child behaves. This is an extremely defeatist attitude and I disagree with 100%. You do influence your kids -  you shape their growth and development, you instil values and beliefs and morals, you teach them how to manage and process emotions and thoughts, you teach them social skills, you teach them emotional and behavioral regulation and frustration tolerance. You teach them how to treat other people, you teach them life skills, you instil confidence and mastery, you build their sense of self, you instil meaning and purpose. You given them a sense of belonging, you teach them that discipline and love can co-exist. How you parent absolutely influences how your child acts and behaves. So start by believing that - if you believe what you do matters, you will feel a sense of responsibility to do it well. Secondly, start young. So many moments are teachable moments. Role model, teach, reinforce, encourage, repeat - it is hours a day, day after day, week after week but the pay off is so worth it. Being able to take your kids out anywhere and knowing they will be well behaved actually makes everyone's life more enjoyable as they get to have so many more fun experiences. Be consistent and firm, no giving in to excuses or demands. Kids flourish with structure. If you set the expectation early, they don't know any different. They don't ever think that refusing to listen or yelling at their parent is permissible. They learn to respect you and to know that you are the parent and when you say something, it carries weight. They learn that they can have a voice and an opinion and express their thoughts and feelings in a way that doesn't involve screaming, crying or throwing fits. They learn that others respect them and treat them kindly when they do likewise. Work with your child's personality, get to know each of them as people, spend time with them learning what matters to them, build individual time with each child into your routine (we do it at bedtime) to just connect.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics