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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Where did OP say the STBX is cheating?[/quote]

OP and I didn’t. I have know idea what he is doing or thinking. I don’t know if this is a deeper phase of his mental health struggles, an indication of even worse mental health problems, or something like cheating. [/quote]

How is he getting promoted if he's mentally going off the rails?

Obviously this is a bit disastrous and it sounds like you've been arguing hotly.

Can you ask him to postpone the service for two weeks.  And see if he can talk to somebody about meds if he's even willing?  Is he depressed or manic?

Is he being at all engaged with the kid?[/quote]

This whole thing escalated in the first place because I asked him about medication after he lost his temper in a scary way towards our child. He stopped taking medication last year.

He has a sibling with borderline personality disorder and I’ve always been worried for the sibling, who alternates between holding high-powered jobs and occasionally going off the rails and even being hospitalized for self-harm.

Now I am worried that DH may have similar problems based on his behavior. DH is very successful at work but it is all he does and he pretty much collapses after work. They value his personality in his industry (alternately mercurial and affectless) and he travels to meet with different teams and clients frequently enough that I imagine he doesn’t have to keep up too many relationships beyond first impressions.[/quote]

Oh OP, I'm so sorry for you.

I have been close to a family situation where someone dealt with a mentally-ill breadwinner spouse for life (Bipolar).

I empathize with your uncertainty and anger about this but honestly you might be very happy to have your own peaceful household separated from someone who is at risk of cratering their job and life every few years. Your kid might also value having one peaceful home and parental relationship.

It's not unusual for mentally ill people to resent being medicated or to go off their medication protocol.  And for that to be a flashpoint between spouses.

I can see where someone who is just barely holding it together might do better alone.  Particularly with the new job responsibilities.

I would read up on how to handle flare-ups of the condition you think might be acting up.  Try to figure out what might temporarily soothe such a person.  Sounds like anger, impulsivity, control issues busting out all over the place.  Perhaps the timing of the filing doesn't really mean more than your DH wanted to get a spot of revenge/act out this week.  Perhaps you can still calm things down to whatever point you expected to reach before this announcement.  Maybe you and your kid both need some agreed-upon strategies for handling him during the next few weeks.  Sometimes a person like that will listen better and more kindly to a kid pushing back vs. a spouse.  Consider that. It depends on family-specific factors.

Also consider that if your husband is overburdened by relationships, if you are calm and nice, maybe you can negotiate to move back to where you came from with primary custody.  Videocalling is a wonderful way to stay in touch, even daily, that makes things different now vs. 10-15 years ago.  I'm sure this might sound naive to some, but why not try for your preferred solution?  If your husband wants to blow things up, maybe he'd be open to that.[/quote]

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