Reply to 19yo DD failed her freshman year and now is at home refusing to work or go to school

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Reply to "19yo DD failed her freshman year and now is at home refusing to work or go to school "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is self-medicating her insecurity and shame with alcohol, OP.

Also, perfectionism, anxiety, mental rigidity are all red flags for mild autism. In girls specifically, autism sometimes doesn't come with the social deficits one often sees in boys. At minimum, your child has significant anxiety. She could also be on the spectrum if she exhibits high levels of rigidity.

She may need meds for anxiety or depression, OP. You need to get her to a psychiatrist or do another evaluation at a psychologist's office. You'll have to see whether she functions better on ADHD meds plus anxiety meds, or if she only needs anxiety meds.

But you really need to explain to her the link between her drinking and her feelings of inadequacy. She can be either in a downward spiral, like she is, or in an upward spiral: going to community college, transferring to her local state college, and feeling much better about herself. For that to work, she needs to control the drinking, especially since she will be taking meds that don't really go with alcohol.

You really need to insist. There is no car or phone or money if she cannot be responsible.
And please don't kick her out, for her own health and safety, unless she starts becoming dangerous. Otherwise in the state she's in, she's going to hit rock bottom in a way that might be terminal. [/quote]

OP here- Besides her bad executive functions skills, she had symptoms like not being able to pay attention when spoken to or in class, losing things constantly like credit cards, money, AirPods, and forgetting things, task initiation struggles, and not being able to pay attention with background noise, so we are not in doubt about the ADHD diagnosis. But her being on the doe Dr ruk isn’t something we’ve thought. She understands social cues and can community well with others, but she experienced overstimulation after long busy days that cause her to not be able to focus well because of thoughts related to the day and sensory seeking behaviors which doctors told us were related to the ADHD. She knows and understands that their is a gray middle ground and that everything isn’t black or white but if things aren’t the best or the way she wants and she has to settle for the middle things don’t feel good or right the long run and she won’t feel accomplished.[/quote]

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