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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel like having sex when you don't want to just disconnects yourself from your own body and ultimately leads to feelings of unconscious resentment towards your DH and a sense of subtle betrayal towards yourself. Sex is supposed to be mutually and equally pleasurable for both partners, otherwise it's just someone using your body to masturbate with.

I'm seeing a lot of advice to just "give in" and have sex that doesn't seem pleasurable or even good "for your husband", but what is he doing for YOU to make you WANT to have sex with him? Does he spend an adequate amount of time doing things that are pleasurable to you, whether it's toys or oral or massage, so your body is enthusiastically ready for intercourse? Are you physically exhausted from your daily schedule, and need him to help take things off your plate so you can be relaxed and ready? Do you still find him physically attractive, or has he slipped with his hygiene and grooming? Does he make you feel emotionally safe enough to relax into an enjoyable sexual experience with him?

I only believe in having sex with enthusiastic consent, where you're absolutely excited to be with him. But you can't reach that state with a partner that isn't looking out for your physical needs. Society pressures women to disconnect from our own sex drives and just "go along to get along", but that ultimately cheats both parties out of feeling truly desired by their partner. I would examine why you don't feel like engaging in sex in the first place, otherwise you're just papering over the problem by scheduling tepid, joyless sex.

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I guess it is a bit different but I am the higher libido partner and I have sex whenever DH wants it even if I am not remotely in the mood because I know that I’ll get in the mood during the act.

As a woman I find that the best way to get in the mood for sex is to start having sex.  I don’t know if it’s that way for other women, I know I have a high libido but even then it waxes and wanes with my cycle.  I just know how to get myself revved up pretty quickly.

I sort of don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t make time a couple of times a week to have a good orgasm with the person they married.  I don’t get it at all.  Even when I was on the verge of divorcing my husband I had sex with him whenever.  [/quote]

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