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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our youngest just returned home from sleepaway camp. Something was off immediately. She’s been there for years, it’s a very reputable all-girls camp and we have only heard positive. [b]However this year, she came home and was in tears over whether or not we were called by the director, and if I heard “what happened,” and worried about whether she and her friends will be allowed to come back.[/b] We did not hear a peep from camp staff.

The most I can make sense of is that a girl left early due to some pretty serious bullying, and my daughter definitely seems less than innocent in it all and now quite remorseful. She claims she was mostly a bystander, but the few things she’s shared are horrible (a long time friends of hers telling the girl that she should go kill herself, telling her she shouldn’t eat because she is fat just to mess with her because she wasn’t fat at all, and the list goes on). What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt? Is there a therapist that specializes in this? Should the camp have told us if a girl was bullied so bad she had to go home especially if my kid was bullying? I’m wondering if we even bother sending her back. I’m honestly so ashamed and embarrassed. [/quote]

OP, this tells you everything you need to know. Your daughter was in tears because she was worried that you would be mad because you found out about her behavior and that the camp wouldn’t let her back because of her behavior. None of this sounds like she’s remorseful about what actually happened.

Given that she has admitted to being at least complicit in the bullying, I would bring some consequences to this picture immediately. No phone, social media, really no access to any electronic devices without direct supervision except when she’s in school. I would extend this to an old-fashioned grounding so she doesn’t get to hang out with her friends or go anywhere or do anything fun for a fairly extended period of time.

There are probably anti-bullying organizations out there that can give you better guidance on how to get through to her about the seriousness of what she did and how she needs to make better choices with not only how she acts, but also the friends she makes.[/quote]

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