Reply to fighting w/SO--is this normal or ok?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Eh. My parents didn’t do this at all, but I name calling when I get really mad at dh. Unlike others, I don’t think generalized words are all that impactful. I’m aware it’s trashy and wrong but sometimes I blurt things out. ‘Dh, you are such a f’in prick!!’ In my defense, dh can be a very frustrating dirty fighter in his own right- he’s famous for the twisting non sequitor or bringing up old issues- and this is usually what proceeds my name calling.

[b]Our argument style is definitely bad[/b], but fortunately we’ve been able to limit them, we don’t do it when kids are home, and we make up quickly.

If this happened early on in our relationship, I would take pause and re assess and see if I could fix it before moving forward, but at my stage, it’s not breakup worthy. [/quote]
You should not be giving the OP advice if you admit you do this, and know it's bad. JFC. Grow up. [/quote]

Honestly I think it’s you who needs to grow up. There is no perfect marriage because there is no perfect human. Life is a balance of priorities. [/quote]
My marriage is not perfect, but I can say hand on heart that I have never yelled at my husband in anger and called him a f'in prick. I can also say the same that my husband has never yelled at me and insulted me. You sound like you are stuck in the cycle of abuse and cannot escape. Your reaction is unhealthy, but understandable when you are with another abusive person. Sounds like he definitely needs therapy to get over whatever previous issues he has, but you also should consider it to realize that this isn't a healthy way to live.

A calm, peaceful life without yelling, screaming and name calling IS possible. I hope you have a long peaceful stretch and don't have to deal with this too often. [/quote]

My point is everyone is different, and you don’t get to decide what a healthy relationship is for others. Grow up.

And I’ll bet that your husband expresses disdain from you at least occasionally (maybe often given how annoying you sound on here) in other ways. Maybe he makes fun of you to his friends, maybe he rolls his eyes at you, maybe he lies about being at work and stays out with a coworker he prefers over you,  maybe he’s sleeping with the babysitter behind your back. [/quote]
[b]Honestly, swear to god, do you believe swearing at your partner and calling them insulting names is healthy?[/b] Your relationship has 0% to do with me, it does not impact or affect me at all. But what is healthy and what is abusive are generally pretty clear cut.

Why is your first instinct when someone comments on your relationship to try and make their life sound miserable? Does making fun of someone else, or thinking that everyone else is in a sh^tty relationship with abusive men make you feel better? It just makes you sound sad and pathetic. Like you have to bring everyone else down to your level lest they be "better" than you.

My marriage is not perfect, but we are both pretty easy going. If we have an issue, we bring it up. We've been together 20 years, and have set various "ground rules". We don't talk sh^t about each other to family or friends. We don't lie to each other to hang out with coworkers. Or babysitters. My marriage is not perfect, but it is not a trainwreck like you seem to want to believe. I'm sorry that hearing other people are happy and secure in their relationships upsets you, but it is true for a lot of people, and it's out there.

I'll give you one though - he probably does roll his eyes at me.[/quote]
Of course s/he can't. Because it isn't. They know how fu**ed and dysfunctional their relationship is and must think everyone else lives the same. Gross, no thank you! [/quote]

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