Reply to Custody and verbal/emotional abuse of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You won’t get more than 50/50. [/quote]

Yes, I understand that and so I’m wondering:

1) at what age does DD get to pick where she gets to go and for how long

2) if the choice is 50/50, is it better to be in an abusive household 100 percent of the time with a mom to protect you and run interference, or an abusive household just 50 percent of the time but with no protection?

Question 2 is what I’m really stuck on.[/quote]

These are questions to ask an attorney and a psychologist, not random strangers on the internet. [/quote]

They will tell you whatever makes them the most money.[/quote]

Dp. Smart people on this board. Op, take whatever your lawyer says with a grain of salt. And get a second opinion. [/quote]

Thanks to all with the good advice here. I’m so frustrated with the advice of attorneys. At this point I have 3 consultations complete and all have very different approaches. None of them feel right to me so I guess I have to keep looking. I’m naive but I thought the legal side of things would be straightforward and rational and getting myself to take action would be the hardest part. It’s been the opposite.

I have two friends I’ve confided in who know DD. I feel embarrassed but relieved for them to know what we’re dealing with. I wish I could have something settled before school starts but I’m afraid that it is going to be at least a few months of uncertainty the way things are panning out.

This is sucky.[/quote]

Do you documented the abuse.  The only way you will get full custody is proof and having your daughter lie to destroy her relationship. Do you think that’s healthy for her?  [/quote]

I didn't say I am trying to get full custody nor having her lie. I'm not sure where you got that from. I'm just trying to understand how to best keep her safe in the future knowing that without documented physical abuse it will probably just be a basic 50/50 settlement.[/quote]

You have to have the abuse documented.  Doctors, therapist or police reports.  Just leave and take her with you.  [/quote]

Op, this is crazy advice and it seems like this poster is projecting her trauma on your situation. Unless it’s very extreme, no one will bat an eye at ‘verbal or emotional abuse’ in the court system, so you are much better served at trying to find a way to want your ex to have less time with dd.

I posted above, but again my suggestion is to build a life as independent as dh as possible, especially for dd, and ride it out a little longer. By 16, courts typically won’t force a kid to go to a parents house (unless they can show you’ve ‘alienated’ them so be careful). Your best bet is to not rush, but prepare. [/quote]

I am PP who shared the list of tips for you. I agree with the above. Wait it out until she is 16 and do the best you can to carve out a life with you and child away from him. If he treats you all like this nos as husband, imagine how he will be once you file for divorce.

I’m in the same boat just living it a bit longer than you and after all my research staying is the best bet until your child is around 16 and can refuse parent visits.

I’m sorry, OP. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Prepare accordingly.
[/quote]

OP and I appreciate your perspective a lot. You continue to give me a lot to think about as I unravel the situation we’re in. Do you have advice to share for how you kept a relatively neutral home environment for your DD? [/quote]

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